not to be confused with C.S. Lewis' Four Loves
there are different ways we feel affirmed, i have been told, and you are probably aware of. some feel loved when they are served, when people do little or big favors for them. some are loved through gifts, big or small. i feel loved when i am touched. so when you consider physical intimacy in the context of romance, i'm doubly screwed.

i will never, ever be the type of person who can just say, eh, it's just physical, it's just fun. this doesn't mean anything, tomorrow i'll kick him out and never see him again. yes, i have done it, in situations i know are totally safe (i.e. off the continental 48). but when i try to do it with someone i may potentially be interested in, it totally screws me up. yet i always seem to do it when i'm about to leave. i don't know if i'm just trying to recreate a safe situation where i can't fall in love, or where it won't get serious, or what. all i know is i hurt inside. there's this dull ache. it's familiar to me. i've had it before. and i hate it. why can't i just embrace it? because i hate it.