Friday, April 29, 2005

bitch moan whine
i wish kung fu hustle had more dance scenes.

so it appears that i am completely unattractive and undesirable on many levels. men don't want me. employers don't want me. i don't get it.

ok i'm done wallowing. time to discover the secrets of the dormant commerce clause.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

one down, three to go
if ever i were to pursue a career in music, i think i would play the picolo. i see the poor kids at the conservatory around the corner toting tubas and basses around and i think: PICOLO.

one exam down. i don't want to think about it. i don't want to think about not having a job.

i was a blob today. and by blob i mean i walked around town in the horrible rain and didn't do any work. i watched a movie -- kung fu hustle. it was the first movie i've seen in six months, since sideways. oh wait, i saw lemony snicket over winter break. anyways, i had fun! it was a good movie. not fabulous, but fun.

tomorrow, i hit the books again. gar!

Monday, April 25, 2005

as if i don't have enough to worry about, i had an interview today and i have another one tomorrow.

today's interview was off-campus; i had to wear a suit and everything. i've realized that i'd much rather interview with strangers than with professors whose classes i might take one day. this one went pretty well. i'm kinda in a good mood now, though i'm by no means sure that they're going to take me. it just felt good to have a real interview where they ask me questions.

i remember when i used to interview for things ... i remember in high school i interviewed for peer leadership and i was so freaking nervous i said the most asinine things. really, i just couldn't think or see straight i was so nervous. i'd actually shake. i remember it was the same deal for college entrance interviews, too. i biffed ALL of them. i'm sure none of my interviews helped me get in ... because oddly enough, the only schools i got into were the ones i DIDN'T interview for, pretty much, although the only ones i did interview for were ivy league schools so i'm not sure the correlation is very clear at all.

today, i didn't really shake. my eyes didn't cross. i didn't throw up. there was a little discomfort ... like, i think my heart was beating slightly faster than usual, and i was uncomfortable, but that could have been my incredibly high-waisted pants. i know it's because i'm just used to it. and it was nice to realize that. and look back. and see how far i have come. it was totally cool.

if only i could be like this when talking to boys i like ... with practice, i suppose. ;)

Sunday, April 24, 2005

insanely jealous and jealously insane
i've always known i'm a little bit of a jealous person. recently, i've discovered that i'm actually insanely jealous. maybe i was always like this. maybe something that happened a few years ago made me worse. maybe i've been hurt and now i just recoil and get jealous and afraid.

I was at a party with A and B. I didn't think A and B knew each other, but I likes A. I doesn't remember seeing A and B talking to each other that much. But I was really really really drunk.
A few days later, I sees B waiting where B does not need to B (har). A comes by, B flirts with A, maybe something changes hands, and B leaves. And watching this, I's heart just sinks. Ok, there's nothing between A and I, but, U knows, U understands? Rejection is one thing. Rejection and having A pick B, where U and I know B is clinically insane and totally weird, well, that'd be a big ego killer despite all the self-help books I reads and self-confidence exercises I exercises.

I picks boys who are kind of geeky and weird themselves. I picks boys who are safe and interesting and quirky and unique, not the jocks or the captain of the football team. I picks boys that the rest of the school does NOT lust after. I is not sure why, whether it's self-confidence issues or whether it's because I truly is not interested in those guys, b/c they are bland and boring and predictable and cliched.

Regardless, I is at the library and is easily distracted from studying for a 6-credit property exam (ADVERSE POSSESSION: open, continuous, exclusive, adverse, notorious). A is probably holed up somewhere also, studying A's brain out. A is also probably not into B. But I sees B at library and I's brain goes into jealous places.


Saturday, April 23, 2005

exam relief
i just cut the tip of my pinky while doing dishes. i'm sure i'm too maimed to type my exams. i must get them relieved. excused. postponed.

yeah, i'm going a little crazy here. without IM, i'd probably have thrown myself out my window by now. worry not. i only live on the third floor.

oh man. i'm nuts. i'm delirious with the recording system.
good on ya

You Belong in New Zealand

Good on ya, mate
You're the best looking one of the bunch
Though you're often forgotten...
You're quite proud of who you are

You Know You're From New Jersey When...

You've been seriously injured at Action Park.

You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas.

You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."

You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."

You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.

Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.

You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."

You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.

Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero."

You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last question had to do with driving.

You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.

You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).

You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?"

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.

In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.

You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.

You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.

You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.

You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.

You weren't raised in New Jersey -- you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.

You've never pumped your own gas.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from New Jersey.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at

Friday, April 22, 2005

smart guys are hot.
studying for a 6-credit property course is not.
wish i could study with hot guys who did really well on the property midterm.

so yes, last day of classes was yesterday and reading / studying / hellish days have begun. to make matters worse, i'm also still lining up interviews for summer jobs. i know we have enough reading days to study for the exams, but interviews stress me out. oh well. life is going to be good this summer. i'll get to relax and hang out with friends who won't be stressed and go to the beach and go to the beach for the weekend and i've even booked tickets to go to LA for five days in august. yeay for frequent flyer miles!

anyways, back to adverse possession...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Monday, April 18, 2005

law blogs
i'm one of, i think, four 1Ls who are still working on our last memo of the year. our last writing assignment of the year. writing is such a tortuous process. i feel like an angst-ridden artist, but i'm not writing anything with any artistic value or worth. in fact, the damn thing should be burned and erased and just obliterated from the face of the earth.

my point is that during this tortuous process, the internet is an incredibly satsifying and efficient diversion. so i was checking some of the law blogs i linked to a few weeks ago. and the thing i've noticed is that any blog i read sounds like it could be going on at my school. all the classes sound the same. all the professors sound just as weird/scary/lame/all of the above. there are the same activities -- musical, journal, moot court, etc. without any reference to geography, or random holidays (today is patriots day here), it could be my law school they're writing about. kinda scary. kinda depressing.

i bet we still have the ugliest law building in the universe, though.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

pre-marathon sunday
today was one of those perfectly glorious days. mid to upper 70s, on sunday, so everyone was out and about. there was even a sox game on. i studied outside for a little while but then came home because i was too distracted. from my window, i could hear kids reveling in frivolity. you know, that sort of joyful carefree full on laugh and you could just imagine these kids running around, with no purpose but for the sheer joy of running around.

i just watched part of monsoon wedding and part of a jack & bobby episode and now i feel all weird and sad inside. lonesome.

i think between all the sexy tv and the weather, i just really want to procreate or copulate or fornicate. or hold hands with a nice boy. any of the above would be fine.
weekend update
in the middle of the morning on friday, my actual birthday, i just shook the funk. i started to get excited about my party, and the funk was done. which was good, b/c i was worried that i was going to end up crying at my own birthday party. in the mood i was in, things were not going to be pretty. but then i started thinking about partying, and my friends who were going to be there, and i got all excited.

the party turned out well. not that many people came -- maybe around 40 -- but that's all good. it was just the right size, and we still had room to dance. nothing ugly happened. only one person threw up and managed to keep it in the toilet. and i think two sets of couples are either on their way to hooking up or did hook up. that is not necessarily a measure of success for parties, but for some reason, hooking up always happens at my parties. cf. my pre-new zealand going away party. ass grabbing was promised, and ass grabbing happened. there was some freaking. some dancing. lots of talking and lots of boozing. and some gifts (yeay!) there was some social anxiety and some social dysfunction. there was tie-swapping and hat-swapping. cupcakes. and one really uncomfortable round of happy birthday. there were old friends from out of town, there were new friends from law school.

only 364 days until my next birthday!

i think it's funny ... every time i have a party, i swear that i'm never doing it again. but then i forget my promise and i do it anyways. and the cycle repeats itself.

i have to say ... my party wouldn't have been nearly as fun if my friends hadn't agreed to host it in their sweet-a-licous apartment. (Thank you!!!)

...and at the very least, my party was not broken up by the cops.

Friday, April 15, 2005

i just can't seem to shake this funk. i don't know why. i think my insecurities are rising to the surface. i think impending finals are dragging me down. but really, i don't know why. i just am in this state of being. i'm also having serious party anxiety. it's not good for me to party in this state...i'll just end up crying into my drink. bad news. oh man. i'm scared. i'm nervous. i'd also just like to crawl under a rock and die. well, not die, but hibernate until spring. (it's not really spring; i refuse to believe it.) on wednesday, we had elections for class representatives for our pseudo student government / cruise ship director club. i lost. i'm kinda glad b/c really i was a ringer and just wanted to play shit-stirrer. but it still kinda sucks to lose. it was also quite traumatic putting up flyers of myself and seeing my face on a bulletin board at every turn of the stairwell. and drawing attention from people i never speak with. i'm not bummed. but i think i'm in extrovert overload. there's a little bit of introvert in me after all.

and thus, i turn 28.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

actually, it's snowing now. i'm going to bed and not coming out until MY BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY.
WHAT THE?!?!?!?!
Umm...i just looked at the weahter and there's snow showers in the f-ing forecast for tonight. GAR!

Tonight: Rain and snow showers likely this evening, then snow showers likely after midnight. little Or no snow accumulation. cold With lows in the lower 30s. Northwest winds 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precipitation 60 percent.

Monday, April 11, 2005

it's time
we had our last broomball game tonight. we played a med school team. yet they were able to come out in strong numbers. why don't you have more players, they asked? uhh, we have a roster of 16. law students are losers.

so i think it's time. it's that time when i must just shut off my sensitivities because everyone is becoming inhuman due to looming exam pressure. people don't have the decency to call and tell me they can't come. people forget we even have a game despite three email reminders this week. people start to disappear and become unpleasant to be around. thus, i will try not to take anything personally until may 13...and then after that for another week b/c of the journal competition.
it is not personal.
it is not me.
it is law school.
and it is not my job to make everyone feel better.
i will look out for me.
and maybe a few close associates.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

morning after
1.) i should not blame boys who fight for my awful behavior. i take ownership of my actions and my actions last night were bad.
2.) i'm lucky everyone else was drunk last night and hopefully some things i said will be forgotten.
3.) there really was a 20 year old punk rocker who was hitting on me and touching me and then who ran off and who is probably beaten into a bloody pulp somewhere.
4.) i think i had fun...
5.) thus begins birthday week
6.) that guy was cute! i hope he comes to my birthday party.
7.) i do in fact get lots of digits and emails and make empty promises when i'm drunk.
8.) met an italian student who might be sorta sappy but who offered to let me stay with him at his home in northern italy (with the caveat that he has a girlfriend in san fran so this is totally platonic)
sober-er than i usually am. just got home from a party. managed to piss someone off and intentionally spill my drink on someone else. what is it about guys who fight that just puts me in an awful ugly place. as the party was winding down, a host and another dude totally chased down these other guys who had just left the party. for all i know, they are still beating the dudes up into a bloody pulp in an alley somewhere. i hate boys who fight. i hate drunken fights.
but what's up with the 20 year old punk rocker who was hitting on me? and i looked awful too. i just got home and looked in the mirror and realized i looked like trash. maybe that was it. anyways...i'll be as old as you want me to be. honey, i can see right through you and if i can't take you to a bar, there's no chance in hell...
did meet this other dude ... i love inviting people to shit when i'm drunk. but this guy was cute. despite being a capitalist. i hope he comes...eye contact ... but more chemistry with friend ... i don't know. it'll be my birthday ... i'll have an excuse to be obnoxious.

Friday, April 08, 2005

friday night homework party
better than a pity party. suprisingly, i'm not at that one.

anyways, on this dry night, i share this forward with you.
Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the pub, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you may have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences.

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2AM. Why would you make me a call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact that they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab with chilli sauce, along with stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few Doritos & chilli dip)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 4PM hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water,
vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive - agressive disorder
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
ode to a comma? an underappreciated mark of punctuation. a mark of unction?


no more ambiguityy? check.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

i love evite
but my pet peeve: people who don't respond!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

looking lower
maybe it's time i gave my brain a rest. i think i should join a cult and start making babies, one every 10 months. my brain is tired of pulling all the weight and maybe it's time i gave my uterus a shot. oh wait ... my ovaries are starting to get dessicated and shriveled up. i might only be able to make a baby every 18 months. that's ok. i'm sure i could find a cult that would take me.

i'm studying for the class tomorrow where THAT professor is more than like to call on me to finish up from tuesday. on the one hand, i'll probably feel slighted if he doesn't call on me, but i'll also be relieved. anyways, so i'm doing all this reading and every once in a while, i have palpitations. thump thump.
why do i not get emails anymore?
why do i not get anything i try for?
where do babies come from?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

i remember a few weeks ago, i was bitching and moaning that i work so hard and never get called on, solely b/c my last name is ethnic.

today i was called on by THAT professor. the one everyone hears about. every school has one. totally paperchase-ish. and today, that professor called on me. i shook and shaked and grabbed the table until my knuckles turned white for a few minutes, and then i calmed down. it wasn't so bad, though i have to say that the material we're currently working on makes sense to me b/c i can personally relate to it. and i did an okay job, though i by no means got every answer right. but i think i managed my wrong answers with grace. and he was extra kind to me. he's been in a good mood; maybe it's the weather.

but i made jokes...jokes i didn't mean to make but just kinda came out, cuz that's me right? well it is. and then the last question he asked me, i answered, uhh, yeah. but like, with a totally like valley girl lilt. it was totally accidental and i wanted to take it back as soon as it came out of my mouth, but it was already out there. and then when he said he'd finish the case next class, i actually thanked him. ha!

but it totally made my day.

now if only i could channel that high into looking for a job.

speaking of which, i'm off to a 2L job search panel. uhh...who knew that in april, i would be thinking about recruiting, which starts july 1, which may determine where i end up after graduation. in two thousand freaking seven. i'll be 30 then. bezoinks.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

it's april. i'm officially allowed, by my rules, to start saying i'm 28. i'm officially allowed to be unapologetically obnoxiously self-centered. you're officially allowed to start showering me with love and gifts and cards and gifts...and to help you, please note the presence of a link to my amazon wish list to the left ... ;)
eh ... i'd be satisfied with a long hug...especially from my friends who live far away.

Friday, April 01, 2005