31 is the New...

On Monday, I got carded when I bought scratchers in Connecticut. That's right. For playing the lottery.

Ha!!

The Home From Work Post

Sick! I am SICK!!! My body is in serious rebellion mode. [TMI ALERT!] First, I had my period for like three weeks straight. [END TMI ALERT.] Then I had this monstrous cold sore that is just getting better. Then on Saturday, I got that tickle in my throat with a hint of sniffles which has now turn into a full-blown cold. Thank God I actually get to sit at home today and do nothing so I don't have to be all hopped up on drugs just to function. Bleeeeeech.

I guess it's time to catch up on my blogging.

So this weekend, I was down in NY / NJ for the 5-Boro Bike Ride. I'm pretty sure it didn't help my cold, but it was totally worth it.

I guess that's it. Turns out, I may have to go into work because I just got an assignment. Ugh, my head is about to explode with snot.

Epiphany

Sitting here, piddling on the internet before bed. Stalking people on MySpace, etc. And the room starts to spin as this thought formulates in my head. No, really, room is spinning. Now.

See, I've been having issues with the Boy and his WoW. I want to support what he thinks he needs to do to relax. I want to support him vegging out, sitting around, doing nothing. But if it were just that, I'd probably be ok with it, except that he needs to get off his ass and exercise more. But no, he tells me he plays WoW with his "buddies". He uses it to keep in touch, as a substitute for "hanging out" since they're all over the world.

And I realize now that this bothers me because I don't want to play WoW and I don't think he wants me to play WoW, but if these "buddies" of his lived in New England and he hung out with them on a regular basis and NEVER invited me, I'd have serious problems. And this is basically what it's like. He's met most of my friends. I've invited him into almost every aspect of my life. (He hasn't attended a work thing yet, nor have I told my parents that I'm even dating him, but that's a complex blog for another day.)

This is why I kind of freak out and don't feel comfortable with this WoW thing. I also know for a fact that he doesn't play with just "buddies" but several women as well. And he's told me that he's not on WoW to be picked up or to pick up women, though this has happened to his friends. (And if you Google it, a lot of people seem to meet and date through this online RPGs.) And there are women (or a woman?) he has friendships with - close friendships - of which I can't be a part of without playing a game I have no interest in playing or forcing myself into some email / MySpace message chain or, geez louise, hacking into his MySpace account without him knowing.

(YES I KNOW I AM NOT TRUSTING, but this blog is not the place to be judged as it is where I spout my deepest darkest secrets, sometimes, and c'mon, look at my track record.)

Several weeks ago, in a drunken fit, I posted a comment on his MSpace page. I did it becuase he hadn't changed his - bear with me I know I'm pathetic - relationship status to "In a Relationship". This was significant b/c one or two weeks after we got back together, he had changed it on FBook without any prompt or mention of it from me. So I posted. And he changed his status. And then some girl defriended him. And he refriended her. Yes, it's definitely true that I have waaaaay too much time to kill on this damn site and on the internet in general. And in a way, I look for my own reasons not to trust. But I just ... feel so uneasy not knowing about ANY of these people that he spends so much time with. And is willing to forego seeing me for.

Blaaaaargh.

I guess we have something to talk about during our 6 hour car-ride back on Monday.

Blast...

Things have been slow at work. As such, I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook, and to a lesser extent, MySpace. Click, click, click, today, and I happen upon a the page of a girl who NY Boy (oh, ill-fated NY Boy) dated. They professed their relationship status on FBook (as my hipster cousin calls it), and then several months later, she somehow hacked into his FBook account and set some status message to say that he was a lying sack of shit, or something equally accurate to that effect. At the time of this FBook hacking, I sent him a message saying, oh, things never change. But today, I sent HER a message via MSpace telling her, hey, you're not the first that he's lied to and cheated on. A short exchange ensued.

I'm not sure why I did it. Maybe it was reading her blogs about him, and the girl he cheated on her with, that motivated me. Reading about the familiar pain and the distrust, the anguish and the doubt. All of the same emotions that I experienced. Poor thing. She's not even 21 yet. (?!?!)

The new girl, I happen to know she left her husband. Maybe she left him for NY Boy. I'm not sure. But what a goon. I mean, grow a pair and break up with someone before seeing someone else. This is like three times, to my knowledge, that he's done with. Goon!

04.29.2008

....and people everywhere are killin' hookers.

Medical Inconvenience

The largest cold sore(s) of my life have erupted on my lips. This generally wouldn't be a problem except that (1) it looks like aliens are procreating on my face and (2) I'm supposed to go down to Jersey this weekend with the boy and go for a 42-mile bike ride and spend the weekend at his grandparents with his mom, uncles, etc. Way to rock the good impression.

In other medical inconveniences, I decided to skip the sugar pill a few weeks ago because I was going to be in NYC for my birthday sharing a hotel room with three people, etc. etc. Well, instead of getting my period that weekend in NYC, I've gotten my period for the last two weeks. Every time I think it stops, it starts up again.

I think the two problems are related. Either way, they're EXTREMELY inconvenient. But no, KS, I'm not pregnant.

Update on the bikini-mission: Things went pretty well last week. I even went for a 14-mile bike ride on Saturday with the boy as training for this weekend. Things sort of fell apart Saturday night at a birthday bbq, and then on Sunday, when I thought the gym closed later than 7. Otherwise on course. Now, if only I could actually find a nice bathing suit...

Update:

I had to backdate the last post even though I just posted it because blogger was acting weird. But anyways, it's been like a week on this regimen and I have to say, it's hard not to drink. I went two days, then had a few beers last weekend when the boy barbecued. Then I had a few beers last night at trivia with my coworkers. Then tonight I had a beer when the boy and I went to a Mexican restaurant. This just means I have to work out harder!

A Spring Resolution

This may sound ridiculous, but never in my adult life have I gone on a diet. I mean, I watch what I eat, and I control my weight through my activity level. Some of my most extreme periods of weight loss have been due to stress - e.g. fall of my 2L year when I was interviewing; this last winter under some emotional duress. Then again, some of my most extreme periods of weight gain have also been due to stress - e.g. studying for the bar exam; studying for exams 1L year.

But I'm aiming to do something this summer that I've never done before. That is, wear a bikini Stateside. Sure, I wore a bikini when I was five, and I wore a bikini this summer in Europe when I was traveling with my friend. But I have never worn a bikini as a non-toddler in the United States. And in June, I'm traveling to Florida and the Outer Banks with friends and the boy and his family, respectively. And I want to wear a bikini.

So I told this to my trainer today and I said, I'd like to lose about 10-20 pounds. He said, well, let's aim for 1.5 pounds a week; that gives you time to lose 12 before your trip. But if you follow these instructions, you will lose that much weight in three weeks. So what am I supposed to do?

1. Drink MORE, and I think he means LOTS of, water;
2. Engage in 30 minutes of continuous physical activity every day;
3. Eat more vegetables (not really a problem in my life);
4. Eat less carbs;
5. Stay away from fried foods (really only a problem b/c there are like 14 pubs on every street in this god-forsaken city); and
6. Give up alcohol.

FREEZE. GIVE UP ALCOHOL? Doesn't he know that I'm a lawyer?

Upon further consideration, I think this is a good idea. I don't necessarily like the way I am when I drink (too much). And they really are an enormous source of empty calories. But I like the celebration aspect of drinking, when it's a true celebration of a true event, and not just happy hour. So I'm going to do my best to follow all of the above, including number 6, but when I absolutely need to, I'm going to drink vodka and club soda. Ha!

Ugh, this is ridiculous.

Yay, A Post

To follow up, HAF, a WOW wedding is this ... WOW is an online interactive game. Not the technical name for it, but you create these characters and log on to these networks and play together in this fantasy world. There are a lot of games like this, but in WOW, you and a bunch of other people go on missions and kill things, gathering experience points and rise in rank, etc. I believe it's like dungeons and dragons but online. The boy, he plays with a bunch of people he met in the army. The other week, two of the people he plays with got married - I think first in real life, then they held an online ceremony. This is not unheard of in WOW, it seems. I did a quick google search and there were a lot of you Tube videos set to Pachelbel's Canon, etc. The wedding part was weird, to me, but I think I'm ok with him playing the game. I mean, he doesn't know a lot of people here, and if it's his way of keeping in touch, then so be it. The things that worry me about it is he's living this like alternate life and god only knows what happens and who he's talking to and what they're doing. The other thing is, I wish he'd get off his ass and meet people.

But I'm not sure this is a huge complaint of mine. I mean, any more than the things I normally complain about. Things are going really well and he's been really good. And we're having a good time. And when we do things, we do them. It's not like as soon as, let's say, we get to his place, he logs on and plays. Time with me is time with me.

Last night we were out at a bar with a bunch of people and I overheard him telling a friend that he wasn't in love with me.

I don't know.

It kind of made me sad, but when I wasn't under the influence of alcohol, I realized I'm ok with this. I'd rather he not be in love with me b/c that would seem kind of fast. The other thing is, I think I was only sad b/c I want him to like me more than I like him, and that's sort of twisted. I like him, I may be falling in love with him (again?), but the fact is, we're having a good time, we're getting to know each other, and I can't complain.

My birthday is coming up and I'm heading to NYC next weekend. Hooray!

Sorely Overdue, I Know

Between work being busier and dating The Boy (again) and the dragging on of winter, it feels like I hardly have enough time to poop. It's a good thing that between being busier and dating the boy and the dragging on of winter, I don't really need to poop. No, I haven't been feeling that great.

But winter feels like it's coming to an end. The days are getting longer, the clocks have been turned back, the thermometer is actually breaking fifty. On occasion. This is New England after all.

So work, yeah, work is busy. One of the partners I work for is a stereotype embodied in a caricature. "Stick it to the [insert anonymous governmental agency here]!" I've worked until 7 or 8 on a regular basis. I've stopped eating lunch with people. I'm a regular big-firm lawyer! Ack! I wish I could tell you about the pro bono cases I've been working on, too. Cuz those are interesting.

Things with the boy are good. Shockingly, scarily good. But here is a typical cycle of emotions: ehh, I don't know, I feel sort of indifferent; oh, but that was a REALLY good date, I think I really like him; hmm, he's being so attentive and open and sort of serious and into me; hmph, well he must be covering for some double life.

No, really. The other day, I was watching him play WOW cuz, yeah, he's just one of those guys. It's cool. He uses it to communicate and sort of hang out with his army buddies and other friends. OK, they're scattered all over the world, I sorta get it. But then I caught (saw?) someone sending him a message -- X loves you. And I kind of freaked out. I brought it up with him, and he answered me satisfactorily, and I think the whole issue brought us closer together, but I can't help falling back into this cycle of doubt and mistrust. Distrust?

I have no reason not to trust him except that he's a guy. And really it's all me with the baggage. He's been really, really good. It's me who's having independence issues, and not being able to handle (maturely) this expectation that we have to spend the weekends together. It's me who freaks out on him every once in a while. And he's been great. But I can't indulge myself too often. He's not going to stick around if I freak out like clockwork. At least, he shouldn't. And that's one of the things that I think I had realized while we were apart. As much as my feelings are valid, it's not fair of me to drag him around on my roller coaster. And in a way, it's almost beneficial to me that he is so emotionally sensitive, because it almost trains me not to indulge every emotion.

But the issue here really is trust.

Yesterday, he attended a WOW wedding. I will never get it. I don't know if I've ever played a video game that was real enough for me to want to recreate life events within it. Then again, while I'm internet-comfortable, I didn't grow up with it like kids these days. I don't know.

And so it goes.