Gauche, But I'll Do It

Gauche, But I'll Do It

I don't particularly care for blogs where people just post a bunch of song lyrics. I think doing that's a cop out because you're using someone else's words to express your thoughts and feelings. But every once in a while, a song just so perfectly captures my feelings. I've posted Au Revoir Simone lyrics, and Colin Hay's "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" from the Garden State Soundtrack. Here's a song from the Last Kiss Soundtrack - Paperweight, by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk. (I transcribed them myself, so there might be mistakes.) I'm not sure they capture my feelings RIGHT NOW, but . . . maybe sometimes, and maybe several times in the last few months.

Been up all night staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before
But this feels like the first time
You want the sunrise to go back to bed
And I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers and wade in
Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back Cover me like a blanket

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers and wade in
Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry that's wasting time
And no need to wonder what's on my mind
It's you, it's you

Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight
I give up, I let you win
You win cuz I'm not counting

You made it back to sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming

Oh Zach, how your music selections delight and depress me so!

Happiness

Happiness

Today, I booked a hotel room for my parents for graduation weekend. This means I have to graduate or $700 goes down the drain. Well, you know, $700 plus $120,000. My goal for graduation weekend: have it be less annoying than college graduation. Because that was awful - so awful I almost didn't want my parents coming to this one.

But when my BFF offered to come for my graduation, I realized, well, it would be sort of gauche not to invite my parents as well. So yay! Now all I have to do is, you know, not fail.

I'm really not that excited about graduation. I think it's because pretty much right afterwards, I have to study for the bar.

I just watched Brothers & Sisters (ABC). It's a damn good show, although I have to say, I wasn't that excited by the pilot. The last two episodes have been much better. It's a real adult drama. With interesting characters and somewhat realistic scenarios. I mean, it's no Desperate Housewives, that's for sure. This has inspired me to list the other shows that have made the cut this fall:

• The Class (CBS)
• The Nine (ABC)
  
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)

I'd also really like to watch Ugly Betty (ABC), but it overlaps with The Office (NBC). I think I'm also going to Tivo Heroes (NBC) and Vanished (Fox). Oh, and that new Taye Diggs show looks good, perhaps . . . Oh, too much TV!

Shows that sucked:

• Jericho (CBS)
  
• Justice (Fox)
  
• Six Degrees (ABC)
  

And other shows that are returning to my Tivo:

• 24 (Fox)
  
• Lost (ABC)
  
• Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
  
• Gilmore Girls (CW) [It was off to a rocky start, but the last two episodes were GOOD.]
  
• Veronica Mars (CW)
  
• House (Fox) [When it doesn't overlap with GG.]
  
• The Simpsons (Fox)
• Scrubs (NBC) [If it ever starts up again.]
  

At the end of tonight's episode of Brothers & Sisters, there was a really beautiful song. It was Roseanne Cash's "The World Unseen." I've noticed a lot of shows use music. I'm not sure if it's the Grey's Anatomy effect or the Scrubs effect, but it's almost getting to the point where it's annoying. I guess it saves on production costs. I remember one of the things about X-Files was that it required a lot more musical score composition than other shows - for example, if the average show had 25 minutes of music, X-Files would have 35 or something like that. But today, there's not a lot of original composition - just a lot of hip rock music. I wonder if it's the iTunes effect. I mean, I certainly am in tune with a lot more indy-type artists than I was 10 years ago. Then again, I could just be hipper. Natch.

Off to finish my mid-term!

A Few Stolen Things

A Few Stolen Things

Here is a BBC story about the image to the left. It is an image of a pelican eating a live pigeon, swallowing it whole cloth. It took about 20 minutes, and, according to eyewitness accounts, the pigeon fought the whole way down. Well, wouldn't you?



Several weeks ago, I went to NYC to see a friend, Becky, in a play. The play was called "Songs of the Dragons Flying to Heaven." Here is a New York Times review of the play. Becky is funny. And hot. And talented. The play is about race. Well, that's trite, but it is, but the play is also about so much more. I've been doing a lot of assessing and introspection on this. I think I will write about it one day. But now is not the time.


I stole both of these from my friend Bat's blog to share with you. Thanks, Bat. And I'm pretty sure everyone else thanks you, too.

An update: my apartment was not burgled. I was so afraid b/c I had my keys and my drivers' license in the same coin purse thingie and my license has my current address. I am still going to have my locks changed, because I am kind of freaked out. Although, I could use a serious unburdening of crap. How nice would it be? As long as the burglar didn't steal the things I need to graduate (you know, like my books and my such), it would be nice. Then I would have so much less crap, and I could just up and leave . . .

Anyway, I'm home today doing a mid-term. Expect about 14 more posts!

Another update: Blogger has been acting weird and it took me all day to finally publish this post. So I *kind of* posted 14 times today, but not really.

PS Daylight savings and mid-terms: perfect together.

Una Nueva Entrada

Una Nueva Entrada

I'm not kidding when I say my blogger is now in Spanish. I think it thinks I'm blogging from South America or something.

My life is kind of a pathetic, poorly written tragedy. But the heros, they are strong, well-developed characters. And they stand out.

I lost my wallet at the school party last night. It was a mini wallet with keys, drivers' license, school ID, and a few credit cards. I have spent the last hour canceling credit cards. If only I could get up and in the shower so I can get to school and get a new ID. Because my plan to go to the gym tonight will be thwarted without one. When I asked to go back in and look for it, they were like, it's illegal for us to let you back in. Seriously, this city needs to spend time doing something else besides passing retarded laws.

Oh, and I broke my camera. I really don't want to know.

Also, my ankle is killing me.

See! Pathetic, poorly written tragedy. :(

Publicar entrada!

Yuck.

Yuck.

Mail I received on Flickr:

Dear [Hap],
Your toes are erotically beautiful and not ugly.I would love to suck your toes and lick your soles.Are you a foot player.I hope so.

Also, my Blogger is now in Spanish!

Clowns

Clowns

A real story in today's Metro about a clown college in Mexico.

I don't know what's funnier - the clown college or the picture.

Sunday Night

Sunday Night Blogging

"There are almost no pictures of you."

"I know. I'm the webmaster."

"And in all your pictures, you're doing that fake, cheesy, camera smile."

Silence.*

"Take a picture where you're really smiling!"

"Ok, fine."



Done and done, my friends. Although I think this qualifies more as laughing than smiling, but I got the point.

I just got back from watching the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Yes, spelling bee mania, but man alive, the show is so good! So funny, so modern, so witty. I laughed so hard. Go see it if you can. Except for a long song about an erection, it was totally kid-friendly as well. Wish I could write more but the thought of homework has invaded my head.

* Insecure thoughts race through my head. And I feel that I'm being seen through. No, I don't have to hide my smile or my laugh, either under my hand or under a goofy smile. Because this is who I am.

Jameson

Jameson

Trying some new formatting. Oooh, exciting.

Last night, I forced people to have an after-party. I'm lame.

Last night, I told someone that he was secretly on my buddy list, and that, obviously, I'm stalking him. I'm lame.

Last night, I mentioned that I had a blog that was not on MySpace. I'm lame. They were far too interested in it. Hopefully they will come to their senses and realize that it's not worth their time tracking this down. But I think I've made a solid effort at hiding this, although there is one weakness in my defenses. But if they actually find it, well, then they almost deserve to find it.

Last night, I let pictures of me be taken. I'm lame. Like hell they're getting posted to any website; thus the beauty of being webmaster.

I think last night was kind of ugly. Because I'm lame. But at least this post is lame and not pathetic, because that patheticness never manifested, and that's something.

I've been very self-centered lately. Well, I think I'm always self-centered, but lately, I think I've been trying to inflate my personality even more. Maybe it's because I'm a 3L and there's some sort of senior mentality going on. Maybe it's because I'm trying to stake out more territory. Maybe I'm just lame. Anyway, I'm trying to stop. You may not notice because you just read this blog, but I am trying, in real life. Offline, if you will.

(Yes, this post was for the sake of posting. I apologize for adding to the entropy of the universe by typing this and by clicking "Publish".)

It's No Fun Being the Fat Kid

It's No Fun Being the Fat Kid

This is a picture from today's New York Times. It is a picture of British moms ("meat pie mums") coming to a school to sell junk food - meat pies (natch!), chips (fries), burgers, etc. One kid in the article is quoted as loving his "french-fries-and-butter sandwich, doused in vinegar." Oh, and it's probably processed white bread, to boot.

Jamie Oliver tried to revolutionize the way kids eat in British schools. It apparently didn't go over very well.

I find this picture to be ridiculously funny. The obesity epidemic, not so much.

But really, it's all about getting used to different food. These mums aren't helping.

Back on the Horse

Back on the Horse

[This post has been redacted because I think everyone who needs to read this has read it. And there's no need for such wallowyness to be the face of aspiringexpat.]

29.5

29.5

Today, I am halfway between 29 and 30 years old. Yoiks!

• I have been playing softball with a mitt and ball that I have owned for 19, soon to be 20, years.
• I have been playing volleyball with a ball that I have owned for 14, soon to be 15, years.
• I have been swimming, on and off, for 11, soon to be 12, years.
• It took me 5.5 years to earn my black belt.
  

Before I turn 30:

• I will finish my next-to-last semester of law school.
• I will travel to Asia, finally. (Hong Kong, Shanghai, Beijing.)

I have already started planning my 30th birthday party (DJ - hired!), and am going to do my best to make it a month long celebration ("30 Days for 30 Years").

In my 30th year, I will:

• Graduate law school. (Fingers crossed!)
• Take two bar exams.
• Travel for a long, long time before beginning work. (Tentatively: Mexico, Italy, Greece, New Zealand.)
• Buy real estate. (Whoa.)
• Begin a full-time job and a new career. (Hopefully, this one sticks.)

Wow. I'm excited for 30, though. I hear it's the new 20s. But even more than that, I'm looking forward to being a more stable and sane human being. Wiser, too. And more fit.

Impetuous

Impetuous

Tonight, we had an intramural volleyball game. The other team didn't show, and the refs were half an hour late setting up the net. As the supervisor was putting up the last antenna, we started scrimmaging ourselves. The ball hit the net and she said, can't you guys just wait 30 seconds? And I said, look. we've been waiting half an hour, we only have half an hour left, can't we just start playing? And she was like, don't give me attitude. And then she was in my face, and kind of tried to argue with me some more, don't give me attitude. I looked at her, and her smug Asian face, and I just laid in on her. Yes, I had had a bad day, but the real reason was because I looked at her, saw HER, and then lost control of myself. Five minutes after we were done arguing, I went and apologized. She was no less smug and self-righteous, and if I were arguing for the right reasons, I wouldn't have stood down, but I was arguing for the wrong reasons. And after I apologized, I ran to the bathroom and sobbed. Again. Because 45 minutes earlier, I had somehow fallen into the pity trap. I was pitying myself and my pathetic life and all the shitty things that happen to me in my love life. And that self-pity made me an ugly person. I can't hate my own people. I shouldn't hate anyone, but why do I hate my own people? At least tonight I did. This isn't right. And for that reason, I'm done. Done with writing about him. And her. This blog is supposed to be about traveling, dammit!

Fade to Black

Fade to Black

Today, I went in the other entrance to school, the one that does not make me go by the office where I had that rather "awkward" encounter last week. I didn't want to see her, if she were there. More than that, I didn't want to see him.

My feelings are fading. The magic of it all is fading. I haven't seen or heard from him since we parted ways on Saturday. (Unless you count him accepting me as his friend on MySpace.) I think I've found the place where I can't disrespect myself like this anymore. Where I'm tired of feeling ... so much. I know there will be oscillations and I will come in and out of this place, but I think, in the end, this is where I will come to rest.

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was starting to get down about him, and then in the middle of class I read about the plane crashing into the apartment building in NYC. I couldn't get any more information and I wanted nothing more than to watch CNN. So I left class, came up to the journal office, found out the TV was broken, finally got a little more information on the internet, and then tried to take a nap, but I just ended up crying. So I found a friend, bought some chocolate cake, and talked. And it made me feel so much better.

In other news, I've got a new honorary position as webmaster. Take a look-see. If you know anyone who is really good at animations and wants to create some sort of flash intro or something for us, pro bono, that would be awesome.

PS That page was made using Dreamweaver. Free for 30 days.

Hello New Slug, 2!

Hello, New Slug, 2!


I already love you, too!

Long Weekend

The Long Weekend


First, that is my new hair color. I dyed it again last week b/c it was getting really mousy and brown. The color is way more intense this time around because, as my stylist explained, he could use more color and less of the stuff needed to lighten my naturally black hair. I believe him, too, because my shower is pink and my hands are pink from washing my hair. Also, my stylist told me to put olive oil in my hair to help lock in moisture. Just don't go rubbing any bread on my head, ok?

Second, we had our softball tournament yesterday. It was fun! We lost our first game to a school across the river. It was a blowout, 43-8 or something like that. Not really a good reason to get up at 5:30am for a 7am start. But we eventually came back and won our next two games, including a game against a rival up the road. That was a very, very good game. And the other team was funny because they had full on baseball uniforms, pants, kneesocks, and everything. We have now advanced to the next round, to be played next Saturday.

The weather was lovely - partly sunny, partly breezy. It was only about 60 degrees, though, so if the sun wasn't shining, it was actually quite cold. I think I've come down with something. Actually, it's probably just my old cold coming back to haunt me.

I played like crap yesterday. I couldn't throw five feet to first base. I just choked. Playing against a team from another school made me quite nervous and I just choked. Several times. It was awful. There is talk, however, of scrimmaging on a regular basis against a team from another school. This will help rid me of my nerves, I think. Also, it's an excuse to "be involved" despite my exclamations otherwise.

P.S.

P.S.

You'd really make it a lot easier for me not to hate you if you didn't, upon finding me in mid-sentence with him, come in and stand next to him and nod condescendingly as I, after introducing myself for the second time, stutter my way out.

And if you do, I promise that the next time I find myself in that situation (but hopefully I won't), I won't declare, "Awkward!"

To Her

To Her

I don't know you. You spoke to me, but just barely. I don't like the way you were scoping me out and being all confrontational like. It was weird, but in retrospect, kind of made sense. I don't hate you. I don't really blame you. It's note your fault. You did nothing wrong, besides the slightly odd behavior at the party. It's kind of his fault. It's also his and his fault, too, but you don't know them, and they're my baggage. I may never like you, but you have to understand that whatever you're feeling, I feel it, too, and maybe even more. And if it were anything less, I would probably hate him and probably do my best to befriend you, because you probably are cool. But not this time. This time it's different. Still, I am your sister and you are mine, and besides trying to look fabulous every freaking day, I'm going to try not to get in your way. I'm going to try not to step on your toes. I'm not going to kick you in the head, even tho' I can. I'm not going to like you, but I'm not going to hate you. I'm not going to get in your way and subvert your relationship, because I believe in everything in due course, and I believe in respect for other people; I believe in supporting other people's relationships, no matter how my heart feels about the matter.

This is a ride, not a fight.

A New Experience

A New Experience

Inexplicably lost in conversation for two hours. We couldn't end this if we wanted to. So we'll make the best of it.

I've already said so much. I'm not sure I have anything else to say.

This was all bad timing. I wasn't expecting to meet you. I like you.

Meeting me was good?

Yes. I want to spend time with you.

What does that mean? How would we do that?

We'll hang out. In groups, and whatever. Just, we won't drink alone. That was ok before, but it's not really ok now.

Yeah. The not drinking alone part is a good idea. But the rest, it's not going to be easy. I'm not looking forward to seeing you guys together again, as I inevitably will. And this is my last year, I made a conscious choice to be more social. I'm going to have fun.

I'll do my best not to make it awkward.

I'm sorry, I have baggage. This is the third time; this is too familiar. I know part of this isn't you at all.

I know. I'm sorry, I have baggage, too. I know where you are; I know it's not easy.

Why is honesty so hard to find in people?

I know. I look around at people and see all the infidelity.

People just can't control their liquor...Just...don't regret this. That would be sad.

I don't. This was bad timing. Which is odd because it's been so long since I've been in a relationship.

Me too. Sometimes, when it rains, it pours.

I'm paying for dinner, because I'm a douchebag.

Well, this is a new place for me. This limbo. This unconsummatedness. It feels weird, but could be good. It could be good for me to have the friendship, attraction and laughter, but keep my hands off. It's something I should have been doing, but never have. And this is good b/c I'm not really one who meddles in other people's relationships - at least not with the intention of breaking the relationship up, because sometimes I meddle by giving bad, bad advice. This is scary. And this is sad. And yet, my life is still more joyful for having met him. So I'm also happy.

A Break

A Break

I'm feeling smudgy from all the guys I've had the (mis)fortune of having in my life lately. I'm taking a break.

Hello, New Slug

Hello, New Slug

I can't help it. I already love her.

Missing

Missing

Lost, over the course of the weekend:

- one scarf, multi-colored and striped [I hear it will be returned to me after the puke is washed off]
- one cane, wooden-like ["borrowed" from journal office for pimpin']
- one trench coat, black [brrrrr]