on youth
My current situation has me somewhat more in tune with the undergrad scene than any 28 y.o. law student ought to be. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by undergrads and I've noticed something that makes me reminisce about my youth.

I remember college. It was this time of incredible emotional upheavals. Everything was so intense and so important. The littlest things would set me off on weeks of depression. I had such weird social issues I missed my best friend's birthday celebration more than once. I became fascinated with drinking. I got into a weird lingering relationship with my ex. I had no direction and changed majors every half semester. I thought it was my life. I thought it was me and my inability to control emotions or find direction. I think, it turns out, that my life experience, while my own experience, was and is not necessarily unique.

You know how people say Accutane might make kids suicidal? And that teen brains, even at 18-21 years of age, are still developing? Well, I think it's totally, anecdotally true. I totally thought, at the time, that my inability to control my emotions, my suffering through enormous mood swings, was chemical. Try as I might, I could never get out of them. And maybe, biologically, I couldn't.

It would also explain why at 28 things are mellowing out. I still kinda have mood swings, but they're totally manageable. Everything just seems manageable. Even great tragedies and intense romantic infatuations. They do not incapacitate me. I am a very high functioning mood-swinger these days. These years.

If only I could somehow explain my infatuation with 20-22 year old men. Or boys. Hmm.