Deconstruction

Deconstruction
I feel like I'm competing, constantly competing. To be better than they were. To keep his attention. To give him better so that he won't turn back. And won't turn away. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly competing. I want to be secure and be myself and grow together.

I'm tired of feeling like this, even if I should expect it.

Is there a line that separates my problem from his problem? If so, where is it?

Is this what I thought I was getting into when I decided, however many months ago, that I was going to try? I don't want to suffer so much for those bursts of happiness. Those bursts are too short and too far between.

Maybe it's not him. Maybe it's the situation. Maybe I really am ready for more and I can't have it in this situation.

Is there a way to create more with what I have? I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of competing.