mood: insecure
feeling disconnected from the world. feeling very alone. feeling insecure and questioning reality and perception and sincerity. i don't even know anymore. what is real what is not? what is honest and truth and sincere and what is not?

i think it's the pressure of finals. not so much that they're so pressuring or i'm freaking out about failing, but just the continuous, endless, droning on of the pressure of needing to study, of not being able to do anything with liberty. tried to go with some friends and out-of-town guests to dinner tonight and had to wait an hour to get a table. an hour later, the waiter said there was no chance we were going to get a seat. the entire time, i didn't really talk. just distracted by the thought of exams. the thought of losing ANOTHER hour with waiting. which was stupid b/c it was a good time to chat. it didn't help that my blood sugar was low and waiting even longer to eat made me super grumpy.

not feeling like myself. usually feel carefree. but not right now. feeling very lonely.

can't even think of words. all i can think of is law. everything in my brain is law. i try recalling proper nouns and the only ones that come to mind are the names of supreme court justices, cases, and the erie doctrine.

one more week. in 7 days from RIGHT NOW, i will be drunk. drunk and with drunk and pantless friends.