insanely jealous and jealously insane
i've always known i'm a little bit of a jealous person. recently, i've discovered that i'm actually insanely jealous. maybe i was always like this. maybe something that happened a few years ago made me worse. maybe i've been hurt and now i just recoil and get jealous and afraid.

I was at a party with A and B. I didn't think A and B knew each other, but I likes A. I doesn't remember seeing A and B talking to each other that much. But I was really really really drunk.
A few days later, I sees B waiting where B does not need to B (har). A comes by, B flirts with A, maybe something changes hands, and B leaves. And watching this, I's heart just sinks. Ok, there's nothing between A and I, but, U knows, U understands? Rejection is one thing. Rejection and having A pick B, where U and I know B is clinically insane and totally weird, well, that'd be a big ego killer despite all the self-help books I reads and self-confidence exercises I exercises.

I picks boys who are kind of geeky and weird themselves. I picks boys who are safe and interesting and quirky and unique, not the jocks or the captain of the football team. I picks boys that the rest of the school does NOT lust after. I is not sure why, whether it's self-confidence issues or whether it's because I truly is not interested in those guys, b/c they are bland and boring and predictable and cliched.

Regardless, I is at the library and is easily distracted from studying for a 6-credit property exam (ADVERSE POSSESSION: open, continuous, exclusive, adverse, notorious). A is probably holed up somewhere also, studying A's brain out. A is also probably not into B. But I sees B at library and I's brain goes into jealous places.

Sigh.