Pre-Bed Musings, Part the 47th

Pre-Bed Musings, Part the 47th

I am tired of moving. Like a planet (but not Pluto), constantly in motion, circling, always moving, never arriving.

"So in search of love and laughter I am traveling 'cross this land."

I've found laughter, I've found love in old friends, but I've also found ... resolution? Closure? Almost. Perhaps tomorrow. I was hanging onto hope more than I should have been. I realize that now. Still, to take the high road. I think I need to so destroy things that they are irrecoverable. Then I will know for sure. I was so able to be myself with him, but at the same time, I lost myself. I have learned so much. I will take this knowledge and experience and apply them somewhere better.

I promise that this is the last post about the Boy. Because after one last conversation, the Boy will be a non-issue. I know what I need to say, I just need to say it. You can smack me upside the head. I probably deserve it, but not as much as you fear.

I'm also ridiculously close to accepting the offer. In fact, earlier tonight, if it weren't a weekend, I probably would have called and accepted. I realized I was thinking about the future in packets too large. Three years, five years. The thing is, I know I have one more year here and then I will make myself stay one more. Because I can't think of myself being anywhere for three to five years. And I must remember that when I started law school, one of the challenges was to stay put for three years. Here I am at the end of year two, itching to go, to move my orbit elsewhere.* NO MORE! I have to stop running away from my life. I need to fix my life. I need to find happiness where I am. I once went to an astrologer who said that I can make a home wherever I go. I know that to be truth. So the things that make me unhappy, I think they will always make me unhappy. And if in one year I find that this is not the case, then I will up and move. It's easier as a lateral anyway.

* Err, I'm mixing my own metaphors.

So, I'm recruiting people to tell me all the positive things about Boston. I would appreciate any comments.

I will begin:

1) Its proximity to the Cape. OK, maybe cheating, but I am in love with the Cape right now.
2) Going to shows at the Paradise. Shows sell out, but with enough foreplanning, I can catch great bands in a great, intimate venue.
3) A new church I'm excited about joining and participating in and attending this year.
4) Slightly more manageable traffic.
5) Distance from my parents. Tonight, my dad asked me if I could ask the firm I worked for this summer to handle a matter for him. The ultimate UGH.
6) More reasonable work hours requirements.
7) The hottest, nicest, most awesomest group of gay men I've ever met. And there are always more to meet.
8) This so counts as its own: Last night, walking home from the bar with my male friend, this homeless man exclaimed, "Damn you have a fine woman! I wish I could get me a woman like that! You must be a great man to get that kind of woman." My friend turned around and said, "Thanks." HAHAHA! Way better than the "you're kind of pretty" pick up line.
9) OK, gimme more time and more firm tickets, and I, too, will be a baseball fan.
10) It'll be easier to incorporate more sailing into my life. There's nothing like the feel of the wind whipping through your hair on even the haziest of summer evenings.

OK, I think that's a good start. A nice round list of ten. And I think that's enough blog vomiting for one night. Bed!

More Feelings

More Feelings

I feel hate. Deep rooted hate, down in my diaphragm, but back farther, towards the spine. I don't want to hate, but perhaps it's the only way. Maybe that's why it's back towards the spine, b/c I might be judgmental, but I don't think I'm a hateful person.

I also feel pity. Like I'm walking by a half-squashed bug, with one wing and three legs completely decimated. I know the bug has no chance at survival, but I'm not going to put it out of it's misery. I think I feel pity in my temples, like a headache.

Tomorrow, I will feel joy because there is a wedding!

What's Wrong With Me?

What's Wrong With Me?

I will take this moment to lament and pity myself. Apparently, I have magical powers. As soon as you get into my life, you will end up with your ex-girlfriend. So if you ever lost that love and want her back, date me for a little while. Hell, you only have to go out to coffee with me. Cheap! I have yet to exercise this power with women, but I've never done the lesbian experimentation, and perhaps it's never too late.

I wonder if I can bottle and market this power. Like a potion. Oh, better than Teen Witch.

ARGH!

Today

Today

Today, my one remaining fellow vacationer (everyone else is in NYC for job interviews) and I went to the Cape Cod Potato Chip Factory. Here is a picture from their website:



No, it doesn't look like much. But when you approch it in your car (naturally with the windows open b/c this is the beach and all), you can smell potato chips from blocks away. And as you get even closer, the soothing, comforting smell of fried potatoes takes over. It's delish. And at the end of the self-guided tour, during which you peer through windows at real Cape Cod Potato Chip employees working for at least $9.50 / hour, you get two free mini bags of chips.

How did I find out about this fantabulous place? During lunch yesterday. From the back of my bag of Cape Cod Potato Chips. Which comes with a handy map.

We also saw a cranberry bog. When I get home and get the cable to my camera, I will post pictures.

Yeay Wireless!

Yeay Wireless!

I'm sitting at the picnic table in the backyard of the cottage we've rented at the Cape. We've spent a full day at the beach, where it was sunny and warm but not hot. I feel content, my skin feels warm, it's nearing dinner time, the sun is low, there's a cool breeze. I think I smell meat grilling somewhere in the distance. Voices from inside are wafting out through open windows, and people are happy.

I am ridiculously chill.

I forgot how much I loved the beach. But I'm not so good at sitting still. We were at the beach for about four or five hours today and I was so fidgety and distracted. I couldn't read for more than 10 pages at a time. Still, the beach is great. It's not great, though, when something in the dark water nips at your toes!

And I'm Off ... Again!

And I'm Off ... Again!

I'm leaving for the Cape this morning!! Then Friday I'm off to NJ for a wedding and then some camping. I'm sure I'll find some time to post somewhere along the way! :)

MORE BEBE'S!

More Babies!!!!



Congrats to P & M, creating their little family o' love in Michigan! Not that they read this. But still. So ... that makes A & M, J & A, P & M, B & Y. Next up: K & L and A & B. And I hear L & J are expecting, too. Yikes!

Rainy Sunday Morning Musings

Rainy Sunday Morning Musings

I've been realizing lately that relationships take a lot of work. I think with the Boy I kind of just let myself be myself, wanted him to accept me for who I was, but didn't try very hard to make the relationship worthwhile for him. Sure, I accepted him for him, but I could have put in more effort, more thought, given more. Not that I should have lost myself, either.

Now, this does not mean I necessarily was the one who broke it, but this is a good lesson to learn, I think, for future reference. I put effort into school, into work, into friendships, I could have put more into that relationship. It's good to know.

I'm off to church. The church I favor in Boston actually is located in Cambridge. But they're opening up a second site on this side of the river. Yeay! Today is the first service.

black belt

Black Belt Test - Success!

What did the test entail? This test that was 5 1/2 years in the making?

One hundred punches, twice. Except I messed up once, so I actually did 298 punches. I breezed through the first hundred, and then after the next 20, I realized that they were making me more tired than I expected, so I slowed it down.

Then 100 pushups (hoping against hope he wasn't going to make me do those), but I could only do 50. So I got up, did a bunch of kicks, then did 20 more pushups, then more kicks, then 15 more pushups, then more kicks, then the last 15. I was told that at the last 15, a look of despair washed over my face. I think that's because I lost count and thought I only had five left.

Anyhoo, I survived the pushups, then had to do continuous kicking up and down the room. Thankfully it was only for 2.5 lengths.

Then I had to do ALL my forms, from tae guk 1 to tae guk 8, and koryo.

Then I had to spar one person for about 2 minutes.

Then, sake!

This is a picture of the belt my friend had embroidered for me. Yeay! My name is embroidered on the other end of the belt, hidden. Cuz I like to be anon like that.

Holy Crackers

Holy Crackers



Thanks to mighty girl.