mortality
my friend's dad had a heart attack last week. his brain did not have oxygen for 10 minutes. the EEG results showed no brain activity. he does seem to be breathing, but there is some talk of machine-turning off this weekend.

how do you go on living life, thinking about camping and school in the face of life and death things like this? the living should go on living, but it's hard to fight off the feeling of inanity and inconsequence that seem to flood in at times like this. or when people have near-death car accidents. or after a terrorist attack. you can't think about it all the time, because then you'd have to curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb. but it feels weird to laugh and be happy, to plan good times, to think of good times, to worry about the trivial, because then you remember the suffering, and then you feel guilty.

somehow, i guess you must find the middle ground, to encapsulate those feelings and use them for good, somewhere between being incapacitated from grief and being heartless and not caring. maybe realize that life is short and God can take you or your loved ones at any time. to go to bed at night with all your relationships tidy -- no outstanding apologies to make, not forgetting to tell others how much you love and appreciate them. to realize that some things aren't worth the effort, but others totally are, even if it's a losing battle.