allegiance lost
i received a phone call tonight while i was painting. for some extra cash, i offered to paint a rental apartment for my parents. some of the hardest earned money ever, except when i was a camp counselor. so back to this phone call -- it was from a woman i've known for several years, who is now involved in planning camp. i started going to this camp when i was 10 and started working for them when i was 16. i have given well over 10 years of my life to this place; i love it dearly. it has played a large part in making me the person that i am -- my love of the outdoors and adventure, of nature, of people and kids.

but tonight i was told that i could not lead this unit that is going to west virginia. i know, why would i want to go to west virginia?! turns out there is some really great rafting, and this trip was going to include that and more. more importantly, my recent trip to new zealand has reignited in me my passion to share the outdoors with girls. so i thought i'd take a week from my summer and do this trip. the reason i can't is because last summer, i had a wee accident with a van. yeah, i kind of crashed it into a tree near my house. no one was hurt, though the tree still has a scar.

so now, i'm too much of a liability to go on this trip. i wasn't given any options such as a driver's course or not being allowed to drive. instead, i was told by this woman that it'd be irresponsible of her to let me go on the trip, if anything were to happen, she'd be negligent, the parents of the girls would say. but what about standing up for me? i have given a decade of blood and tears and sweat and more tears to this place. i have a proven track record of being responsible and reliable. and i have the relevant training to go to this place in west virginia and keep an extra watchful eye on the girls and the facilitators. but all that was written off because of an accident i had AFTER HOURS, during OFF TIME, in a van I HAD to drive to ferry stuff back from camp for that weekend. 10 years of my life, of my hard work and dedication, have been written off because of an accident. AN ACCIDENT. it's not called an "on-purpose" for a reason.

furthermore, what gets my goat is this woman. someone else would have signed off on me, but this woman ... it wouldn't surprise me if she voted for bush. i see her walking around with american flag pins all over, driving her giant cars and suvs with no concern for oil and the environment. the farthest she's ever walked to her campsite is 30 feet from her car, and she probably complained the whole time. she's got this risk management so far ingrained into her piddly brain, she's lost sight of everything else. and i think she has personal issues with me.

it's really hard for me not to be upset. this place is SO important to me. i came back from new zealand last year to work at this camp, busting my ass for ungrateful bergen county parents. i have shown my commitment and dedication time and time again. i could go on, but i won't. sadness.