a manifesto
from my journal
a friend told me to look at this experience as a sabbatical, and i think that is a good idea.

i am taking a break from american culture, from the fast life in new york city. from some friendships, from my family. from my baggage, from my screwups, from my career, from boys.

i will go and have fun, sleep plenty, rejuvenate my spirit and my faith in and relationship with God. i will learn more about this world, about New Zealand, about nature, scuba diving, sea kayaking, whitewater rafting and ropes. i will live simply for five months. i will communicate with my past solely through email and letters -- and an occasional phone call. i will start my novel or memoirs or screenplay or all of the above. i will find out who my real friends are. i will have regular bowel movements. i will exercise regularly and hopefully get to do taekwondo. i will keep abreast of current events. i will speak out against war in iraq. i will drive at least once. i will go camping. i will drink beer but will not puke on myself in the bathtub. i will make new friends. i will try to let go of anger and bitterness and be filled with compassion and love. i will be honest. i will communicate openly. i will renew my faith in the goodness of people. i will make new friends and great memories and i will make a decision on what i want to do with my life in september 2003. i will work on summer camp program and fulfill my obligations.

when i return i think i will try to live in one place for three years. i will enjoy mom's cooking. i will be more forgiving and understanding and less self-centered. i will be less frivolous. i will not be afraid of commitment and love and loss of control. i will not frown upon relationships, i will be open to God. i will trust in God and believe He has control and that the promise of good things is true.

and maybe, just maybe, i'll give this journalism thing a shot. and maybe i won't be afraid of freelancing. i will pray more. i will love my friends more. i will try to establish a community and go to church. i will act like a grown-up in life and responsibility but i will laugh as a child laughs -- quickly, easily, loudly. i will throw my head back and gawk at the tall buildings again. i will work at camp, be a good program director, leader, and friend. i will drive cross-country, visit friends, have fun, learn to surf, and drive back. i will dream, i will cry, i will scream. i will live.

and i will stop writing such cheesy shit.