A Spring Resolution

This may sound ridiculous, but never in my adult life have I gone on a diet. I mean, I watch what I eat, and I control my weight through my activity level. Some of my most extreme periods of weight loss have been due to stress - e.g. fall of my 2L year when I was interviewing; this last winter under some emotional duress. Then again, some of my most extreme periods of weight gain have also been due to stress - e.g. studying for the bar exam; studying for exams 1L year.

But I'm aiming to do something this summer that I've never done before. That is, wear a bikini Stateside. Sure, I wore a bikini when I was five, and I wore a bikini this summer in Europe when I was traveling with my friend. But I have never worn a bikini as a non-toddler in the United States. And in June, I'm traveling to Florida and the Outer Banks with friends and the boy and his family, respectively. And I want to wear a bikini.

So I told this to my trainer today and I said, I'd like to lose about 10-20 pounds. He said, well, let's aim for 1.5 pounds a week; that gives you time to lose 12 before your trip. But if you follow these instructions, you will lose that much weight in three weeks. So what am I supposed to do?

1. Drink MORE, and I think he means LOTS of, water;
2. Engage in 30 minutes of continuous physical activity every day;
3. Eat more vegetables (not really a problem in my life);
4. Eat less carbs;
5. Stay away from fried foods (really only a problem b/c there are like 14 pubs on every street in this god-forsaken city); and
6. Give up alcohol.

FREEZE. GIVE UP ALCOHOL? Doesn't he know that I'm a lawyer?

Upon further consideration, I think this is a good idea. I don't necessarily like the way I am when I drink (too much). And they really are an enormous source of empty calories. But I like the celebration aspect of drinking, when it's a true celebration of a true event, and not just happy hour. So I'm going to do my best to follow all of the above, including number 6, but when I absolutely need to, I'm going to drink vodka and club soda. Ha!

Ugh, this is ridiculous.

Yay, A Post

To follow up, HAF, a WOW wedding is this ... WOW is an online interactive game. Not the technical name for it, but you create these characters and log on to these networks and play together in this fantasy world. There are a lot of games like this, but in WOW, you and a bunch of other people go on missions and kill things, gathering experience points and rise in rank, etc. I believe it's like dungeons and dragons but online. The boy, he plays with a bunch of people he met in the army. The other week, two of the people he plays with got married - I think first in real life, then they held an online ceremony. This is not unheard of in WOW, it seems. I did a quick google search and there were a lot of you Tube videos set to Pachelbel's Canon, etc. The wedding part was weird, to me, but I think I'm ok with him playing the game. I mean, he doesn't know a lot of people here, and if it's his way of keeping in touch, then so be it. The things that worry me about it is he's living this like alternate life and god only knows what happens and who he's talking to and what they're doing. The other thing is, I wish he'd get off his ass and meet people.

But I'm not sure this is a huge complaint of mine. I mean, any more than the things I normally complain about. Things are going really well and he's been really good. And we're having a good time. And when we do things, we do them. It's not like as soon as, let's say, we get to his place, he logs on and plays. Time with me is time with me.

Last night we were out at a bar with a bunch of people and I overheard him telling a friend that he wasn't in love with me.

I don't know.

It kind of made me sad, but when I wasn't under the influence of alcohol, I realized I'm ok with this. I'd rather he not be in love with me b/c that would seem kind of fast. The other thing is, I think I was only sad b/c I want him to like me more than I like him, and that's sort of twisted. I like him, I may be falling in love with him (again?), but the fact is, we're having a good time, we're getting to know each other, and I can't complain.

My birthday is coming up and I'm heading to NYC next weekend. Hooray!

Sorely Overdue, I Know

Between work being busier and dating The Boy (again) and the dragging on of winter, it feels like I hardly have enough time to poop. It's a good thing that between being busier and dating the boy and the dragging on of winter, I don't really need to poop. No, I haven't been feeling that great.

But winter feels like it's coming to an end. The days are getting longer, the clocks have been turned back, the thermometer is actually breaking fifty. On occasion. This is New England after all.

So work, yeah, work is busy. One of the partners I work for is a stereotype embodied in a caricature. "Stick it to the [insert anonymous governmental agency here]!" I've worked until 7 or 8 on a regular basis. I've stopped eating lunch with people. I'm a regular big-firm lawyer! Ack! I wish I could tell you about the pro bono cases I've been working on, too. Cuz those are interesting.

Things with the boy are good. Shockingly, scarily good. But here is a typical cycle of emotions: ehh, I don't know, I feel sort of indifferent; oh, but that was a REALLY good date, I think I really like him; hmm, he's being so attentive and open and sort of serious and into me; hmph, well he must be covering for some double life.

No, really. The other day, I was watching him play WOW cuz, yeah, he's just one of those guys. It's cool. He uses it to communicate and sort of hang out with his army buddies and other friends. OK, they're scattered all over the world, I sorta get it. But then I caught (saw?) someone sending him a message -- X loves you. And I kind of freaked out. I brought it up with him, and he answered me satisfactorily, and I think the whole issue brought us closer together, but I can't help falling back into this cycle of doubt and mistrust. Distrust?

I have no reason not to trust him except that he's a guy. And really it's all me with the baggage. He's been really, really good. It's me who's having independence issues, and not being able to handle (maturely) this expectation that we have to spend the weekends together. It's me who freaks out on him every once in a while. And he's been great. But I can't indulge myself too often. He's not going to stick around if I freak out like clockwork. At least, he shouldn't. And that's one of the things that I think I had realized while we were apart. As much as my feelings are valid, it's not fair of me to drag him around on my roller coaster. And in a way, it's almost beneficial to me that he is so emotionally sensitive, because it almost trains me not to indulge every emotion.

But the issue here really is trust.

Yesterday, he attended a WOW wedding. I will never get it. I don't know if I've ever played a video game that was real enough for me to want to recreate life events within it. Then again, while I'm internet-comfortable, I didn't grow up with it like kids these days. I don't know.

And so it goes.

80s Resurgence

Besides the hideous fashion trends, have you noticed the 80s resurgence? American Gladiator, Rambo, Knight Rider...I hear rumors of an A-Team remake. I know this list is incomplete.

It's Gone and Happened...

...I've started dreaming about work. I used to do this back at my first job, when I used to do a lot of coding. (No, I didn't study CS in college...I had to teach myself on-the-job. Fortran, too. SOOO not marketable.) Anyway. It's been a rough week at work. I'm glad this week is over. Too bad I have to work through the weekend.

Little Bits

On the T this morning, we were stopped at Kenmore. The conductor helpfully informed us, "We're being held here until we leave."

The ex and I have gotten back together. Basically, we were already dating in the months we were sort of broken off. I can tell you what's changed, and I can tell you how I feel. But basically, we're just spending time together because we like to and we're still getting to know each other. And I think when we were dating, I wasn't fair to him because I'd prejudged him and he wasn't fair to me because he kept things to himself. We're trying. I'm definitely learning a lot about myself. My emotionalness. My possessiveness. And that's all I really want to say right now.

About everything. Really, I should write about how ridiculous law firm life is, and the case I'm working on. But I won't. Because I'll probably lose my job. :)

Cloverfield Sux

I'm in LA visiting the BFF and his BF.

Tonight, we watched Cloverfield, the movie. I'm still nauseous and not feeling right from it.

The BFF and I were super excited to watch this movie because it fits perfectly into our natural disaster movie theme. You see, during college, there was a spate of natural disaster movies ... Volcano, Dante's Peak, Armageddon, and Deep Impact. Followed, over the years, by such classics as Deep Blue Sea, Godzilla, The Core, Snakes on a Plane (yeah, loosely a natural disaster, but so fun!), The Day After Tomorrow...

Cloverfield seemed to fit our parameters. Earth, specifically NYC, gets attacked by unknown creature(s). We were so excited to see it together!

Well, turns out, we were also going to get sick together. Stupid handheld cameras.

Two things.

One, in addition to watching these movies, we also rate them. We used to rate these movies and then plot them on an x-y graph - whereby the x-axis represented ridiculousness, and the y-axis represented seriousness (i.e. how seriously the movie took itself). Recently, we modified our rating system so that the values, ridiculousness and seriousness, were added and then represented on a bar graph. The highest cumulative points is the "best" movie. At least by our standards. Nothing can beat Dante's Peak, it seems.

Two, there were a smattering of "47" sightings in Cloverfield. There also seem to be 47 sightings in Alias and Lost, both JJ Abrams productions. There must be a connection to a P.C. alum out there somewhere... Oh, and JJ Abrams is directing the new Star Trek movie. Hooray! The 47 connection comes full circle, perhaps.

I feel like I've written about these things before. Then again, my head and gut are still spinning, so who knows.

thoughts from the dating scene

Is it bad not to want to date a guy again because he chews his food with his mouth open and makes all sorts of smacking noises? Seriously, one of my top pet peeves. And this guy is no spring chicken. Very set in his ways.

More Tales From the T

So I'm waiting on the T platform for my train home and an announcement comes over the loudspeaker. It's a boston bruins defenseman telling us how he rides the t to practice and basically plugging the t - the t works for me, he says.

First of all, no way does a professional hockey player take the T to practice. B, he's preaching to the choir, don't you think?

Some time later, I'm still waiting on the T platform and this nutjob says, now remember we've been waiting here a while, this is what liberal democrats call rapid transit. Some hapless kid goes, why. Because liberal democrats want you to ride public transportation and get out of your cars because cars mean freedom and libeal democats are against freedom.

I love public transportation. And I can't wait to vote tomorrow!!!

Signs that I Need New Clothes

- I have nothing to wear with my suit except a thin, nearly sleeveless sweater and four people comment on the unseasonableness of my outfit.

- Before going out, I actually OVEReat so my pants don't fall off.

- Even on the last hole on my belt, I can still wiggle the belt around and put my fist through it.

- I can put on almost all my pants without undoing the button and zipper.

- You can almost see definition in my belly.

So yeah, I've been losing weight. There was the unhealthy part when I broke up with the Ex, then there's this semi-healthy weight loss from working out and generally not eating so much because I'm not studying, but strapped to my desk at work. Unfortunately, all the clothes I bought at the start of the fall don't fit. That was a lot of money I spent. Now, I don't really have that much money to spend b/c I'm more interesting in my house and student loans have fully kicked in. Looks like I'm going to have to look like a bum for a bit longer... There are worse things that I could be worrying out. :)