hungover
went to a friend's birthday party last night. heaps of gay men, and the rest of them were married or with dates. alas. but one good thing--you can be soooo forward with a gay man you think is hot, just strut up there and tell him, and instead of being freaked out, he will inevitably be flattered and want to put his arm around your shoulder.

the two hottest men at the party last night ended up taking a cab home together. for a minute, i thought it was my sexual fantasy. and then i got to the part in the fantasy where they started kissing each other instead of me and i realized, yeah, not so much.

have realized that i kind of have a crush on a girl at school, who was at the party. weird, i know, because i know i'm hetero, been through all the questioning and had ample opportunity to experiment and such (never did). but there's this girl who is really pretty--not dirty hot, just pretty--and really the sweetest thing and really smart and cool. i think i just really want to be friends with her, and i am misinterpreting those desires as the pangs of a crush. but basically what i'm doing at school is finding the people i think are cool and intentionally being friends with them and inviting them out. she's next.

so i brought a girl from school to the party last night. a 6'1" engineer who needs to eat like 18 sandwiches cuz damn is that girl skinny. turns out she is a saucy, dirty, little--but tall--vixen. she said things that made me blush and, well, let's just say i almost had a sexual fantasy of two guys doing it, so i'm not THAT prude. but in a moment of drunkenness, i blurted out to her that i have a crush on a guy she knows. turns out, so does she. but i wouldn't call it a crush. she just wants to fuck him till it hurts. i've never seen a girl talk about a guy and then make actual fucking motions with her arms...you know...back and forth...anyways. when i first told her, she started jumping up and down with her fists in front of her and yelled, i'll fight you for him! that was a new one. i thought, you might be 6'1", and I'm 5'9", but i bet i could still kick your ass. more importantly, i don't want to, though. i'm kind of bowing out...after tuesday. because before i found out about this girl's lusty desires, i kind of asked boy out for beer. just the two of us. i pretty much emailed him into a corner so he had no choice but to come (i won't take no for an answer, so just pick a time and place). but...this kind of makes me sick to my stomach, and it's not all related to the hangover. we girls, we gotta stick together. i'm not gonna let some weird but hot guy be a source of bitterness between me and her. am i going to tell her, though? no, because i'm afraid she really will throw down. and then i'd be THAT girl who was fighting another girl in the courtyard. at least i'd be THAT girl...who WON. heh heh.