Happy New Year!

"You have great friends." I do, I really do.

I hosted NYE. It was good fun. I had coworkers and law school friends and random other friends all piled into my apartment. I gave them food, I gave them drinks, they brought some of their own of each, and I let them loose in my home. Oh, and onto my Wii as well. And they all seemed to get along swimmingly. So I hear, because I couldn't tell you first hand. I overindulged in champagne, and then I didn't stand still talking to one person for more than two minutes, and the night is a series of snippets of faces. Ah, the perils of being hostess.

But it really makes me very happy that everyone had a great time. I do wish I had better memories of the good times, but that's ok. Also, I feel weird that other people having a good time brings me so much satisfaction. I guess I take after my dad. But I kind of feel like I need to be more selfish. At least right now. The Ex's exes, the two that I've met, are all takers. Being around them, it's all about them. The Ex is kind of a taker, too, although he mopped my floor on Tuesday morning, and that's the kind of giving that warms the cockles of my heart. (Yeah, read between the lines.) Case and point - at my party, the Ex came up to me and asked whether his ex had hooked up with my friend, b/c they were flirting, etc. I kind of avoided answering, although he chose to draw his own conclusions. But when I told the Ex's ex, she said, see, I knew he was going to get jealous. I don't think it ever occurred to her to care about my reaction to it, given that it was me who most recently dated him, and it was me who was struggling with him. I think it was after this interaction that drove me to finding a new bottle of champagne and drinking out of it.

You know what really satisfies me, though? Casual, relatively uncommitted hookups. And then 6 nights a week, coming home to my apartment, or hanging out with my friends, without the hookupee. It makes me really happy. And that's frightening. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship. Maybe I just need physical satisfaction and affection every once in a while, and then live the adventure that is my life. I don't know. I get so unstable and emotional when I like someone, when I was dating the Ex. I don't know.

It's 2008. Maybe I'll come closer to figuring it out this year.



Edit: Obviously, I'm selfish. I need to rewrite this. But I don't want to leave you with the impression that I'm selfless, b/c, well, far from it.