shame on me
the words on this website were never meant to be read by anybody, really. not even the friends i shared the link with. (a sort of stupid expectation.) and especially not anyone i wrote about. that was my own ignorance and stupidity, and i offer the sincerest and deepest of apologies to anyone i hurt with my words. i don't think i'll ever be able to explain myself sufficiently, especially from 12,000 miles away, but this is going to have to do. i don't think you have any idea how badly i feel.

for what it's worth, though, i'm just an ignorant ass who used this website as a way to vent. my time in new zealand, as much as i miss it and as much as i loved it, was not necessarily easy for me. and it wasn't always fun. i was sometimes frustrated, and i was also sometimes culturally shocked. and instead of ranting and raving in person to persons, i used this to vent. perhaps that was my mistake, but writing is a big outlet for me and a big part of my identity. if i had said these same words out loud, and someone was hurt, i'd usually tell him/her to get hard. but these were not all words meant in that way. my mistake was treating this forum as if it were a journal i lock in my desk instead of as a public space. like i said, i'm just a big time fuck up ignorant ass.

and also like i said, i will never be able to find the right words to convey how badly i feel about this mistake.