Monday, May 04, 2009

Things That Make You Go Blog

The bf's family is really into cycling, and this past weekend, we headed down to NY to do the annual 5-borough tour.  Basically, 30,000 and their bikes descend upon the city, and highways and streets are shut down for a 42-mile bike ride.  Last year was super fun, but super super hot as it was 80+ degrees and sunny.  Yesterday, it was 50-something degrees and rainy.  Also, the bf and I invited two friends from Boston, and a friend of mine from my B-maw days came up for a mini-reunion and bike ride. 

Things were going great for about 30 miles.  We were all happy, the rain wasn't that bad, and the cycling was keeping us warm.  We didn't have any flats, and although some were slower than others, we were staying more or less together.  

Around mile 30, the rain picked up, and we rode on a stretch of highway with no protection from trees or buildings. We just plugged along, getting drenched, literally, as puddles accumulated in our shoes, and rainwater dripped down our (my?) ass cracks.  The bf's mom and uncle went ahead; but the bf and I would stop and keep track of our/my friends.  

The very end of the ride is over a bridge - a sort of long bridge into SI that is a bit of an uphill trek.  My friends and bf and I regrouped right before the bridge and then went over, I think with the unspoken understanding that we would meet at the end on the other side of the bridge, as we had every other time.  The bf's mom and uncle finished five minutes before us, my friend from md finished five minutes after us, and we all managed to find each other with our cell phones and found refuge under the tent. 

Now at this point, I was already very very very cold, and my low blood sugar and fatigue and, as it turns out, mild hypothermia, were making me very upset.  And all I could think about towards the end of the ride was how cold I was, and how, yes, I was prepared for the weather by packing a rain jacket, but how the bf's mom had taken that rain jacket at the start of the ride and never offered to return it and had disappeared by the time the rain really picked up.   And I was pretty sure that if I had that rain jacket, I would be warmer, b/c it would both keep me dryer and keep the wind off of me. 

And as we were standing around at the end of the ride waiting for our last two friends, did she ever offer to give me the jacket back, even though I was shivering my ass off?  Nope.  And did I have the cajones to ask for it back?  No, of course not.  Her hypothermia was already worse than mine as her lips were definitely without color and turning a caribbean shade of blue. 

After several minutes, we were sure our friends had finished and should be reuniting with us so we could get out of the rain.  However, when I finally reached them on the phone, they had stopped for a hamburger and were wandering around the festival.  I immediately told them to find us, so we could leave.  they finally meandered over to us, and we headed towards the exit.  

As we were leaving, I told the bf I couldn't feel my feet.  And I was afraid of losing my toes, not being able to find the word for it, frostbite.  I asked if it was possible to lose one's toes if it wasn't freezing out, and instead of answering me, or giving me any sympathy, he says, yeah, I can't feel my hand.  Neither could I, but I was trying to keep it light, and allay some fears, as I knew we were all fucking freezing and soaking wet.  

Somehow, as we were leaving the exit, the stragglers lost track of us and fell behind, and when they finally made it out of the crowded exit (30,000 wet bikers, trying to exit through an 8-foot gap in the fence) they followed the masses and went left instead of right as we all had.  A few phone calls later, and they still couldn't find us.  We had now been standing in the rain about 15 minutes.  And the bf, his mom and uncle sought shelter under a highway overpass.  Leaving me and my friend in the rain to wait for OUR friends.  OUR friends, who the bf is so effing intent on inviting everywhere because "everything is more fun with more people."  (And yes, sometimes I want to yell, "then go out and make some effing friends.") 

When he called them one last time and wouldn't answer, he and his relations all wanted to leave them.  HELLO?  IN STATEN ISLAND?  NONE OF US ARE FUCKING FROM THERE!  I gave them one last call, seeing that they had called literally the moment before and the effing bf missed it b/c he had so callously put the phone back into his backpack, from whence all sounds could not escape.  Finally getting a hold of each other, I told them where to go and then to call again when they got to the place we were standing, b/c we obviously could not wait 10 minutes for them to bike back, b/c we would have all died of hypothermia from standing around. 

Let me pontificate here for a moment.  I realize that hypothermia is a worse condition than being lost.  No one would have died in nyc from being lost.  My friends are not dumb.  But then again, the instinct to "just leave them" is disturbing.  There are a thousand ways to solve the situation, but "just leaving them" certainly should not have been one of them.  Tell me if I'm wrong. 

When we biked the last 10 minutes to the meeting point, the bf's mom finally asked me if I was cold.  I looked at her, did my best not to attack her, and said yes.  She offered me my rain jacket back, but at that point, I just said, keep it...while fighting the animal instinct to rip her head off and crawl into her carcass.  Seriously.  As the hypothermia got worse and worse, I could see myself getting angrier and more ... animal.  Losing all sense of reason, except the one reason that I knew I was losing my sense of reason. 

And the bf?  I realized that he is even MORE of a momma's boy than I had ever thought.  He stood there, rubbing his mom, trying to warm her up.  Later, he said, yeah, i was really worried for my mom.  And me.  And I was like, umm, hello?  He was like, you were cold?  I'm like, didn't I tell you my feet were numb?  He said, oh, you didn't tell me that until later.  Yeah, but certainly I told you before you told me about your hand.*  

*(But no, whenever I say something, he has to counter with his own ill, forgetting mine.  It's like, he doesn't think to say it until I do, but really, at that moment, why can't it just be about me?  I mean, it wasn't like I didn't ask him about his hand and not care about his hand, but sometimes, when I say something, I wish he would just focus on what I was saying, and not try to steal the spotlight, b/c obviously, whatever he was thinking or feeling wasn't significant enough to mention until I mention it first.  God, it's so annoying. 

Finally, help arrived, with dry towels, and the bf's mom crawled into the car.  The stragglers found us, all was fine.  We had pizza.  

The night before the ride, HOWEVER, b/c there's always a however, we all got sauced.  Sangria, Celtics game, beer.  And at one point, the bf's mom was like, I'm sleeping in this bed, and I don't care about anyone else.  I was so mad.  I couldn't believe it.  I mean, sure, this woman had always been nice to me, but then her true colors come out when people who her son isn't shtupping come around?  It wasn't even her house!  No one was ASKING her for anything.  And if she's so good at taking care of herself, how come a fucking grown woman with three grown kids who's A NURSE didn't know that if she was getting cold, maybe she should stop standing still and do some fucking jumping jacks?  Or did she like it when her son and the universe stopped to take care of her? And the next time she tells me she can't wait for grandkids, I'm going to ... well, I need some help on this one.  Submissive Asian girl over here would probably bow her head and open up her legs and hand someone a turkey baster. 

In summary, what's bothering me is that I'm potentially getting into a family that is, at its core and in emergencies, incredibly selfish and self-preservationist.  Why was it ME who had to stand between the family and the friends, keeping facts (like the hamburger) from the family and the one who had to navigate a foreign island so the friends wouldn't be stranded by the family?  The bf, too, is selfish, self-preservationist, and a freaking momma's boy.  VOMIT.  

I, by no means, was perfect.  I was snappy, wanted to kill people, and break up with people, etc.  But I like to think my girl scout training kicked in and helped me be effing proactive about the situation AND manage the situation without anyone dying or being stranded.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me if I'm wrong.  Because I'm having serious doubts here, and the bf is supposed to be moving in this summer. 


Helen said...

Oh honey, I have THEORIES for you.

Helen said...

And not any bad ones for you; just theories about in-laws.

Marianevans said...

I remember the mom demanding all her son's time thing. Yes. Vomit-inducing. I think moms are always going to be semi-territorial around their sons' girlfriends and spouses - esp. if they don't have a partner. Blech.