My Eyes Are All Puffy

The thing about breakups for me is, I'm not so good at remaining friends afterwards. Either there's just too much betrayal that there's no respect left for friendship. Or the friendship is too hard; the prospect of being friends with him and being privy to his future romantic entanglements is too hurtful. Because the guys I become involved with usually become pretty deeply engrained in ... me. So to me, a breakup usually entails a complete severing of any friendship or interaction with the other guy. And that's really hard here. I love the Boy. Not in love, although, like I've said, I may have been at times, but I love him. As a person, as a friend. And even harder than losing the intimacy of being his girlfriend, I'm mourning the loss of his friendship. Because I don't see how we can be friends without the passage of a lot of time. But it's the immediate that's going to hurt, in which I'm really going to miss him.

And there are moments when I think this is a big mistake. And there are moments when I think this is completely right.

And the truth is, I really don't know, because both seem like appealing options.

And I'm off to have lunch with him and collect the one thing of mine he has, and I think he's going to try his best to salvage this friendship, because he's like that. And I'm going to do my best not to burst into tears in the middle of the restaurant.