Eve of BLack Belt Test

On the Eve of my Black Belt Test

Tomorrow, I am going to suffer, rather, I am going to persevere, rather ... Tomorrow, I am taking my black belt test. This is a big deal for me. Yes, it's true that my Master offered to give me the belt without question. But I asked for the test. And I think it's going to be a whammy of a test. No, the sparring won't be that hard b/c I've had my ass beat several times. I can always take another beating. No, the one step sparring and self defense stuff won't be that hard because I think my Master is going to go kind of easy on me. I pray I won't have to do 100 push ups because that will certainly kick my ass. But still, I could get through it. What's going to be hard for me is to not pee myself in front of all the people who say they are going to show up. People I don't know very well, even. We'll see who actually shows.

I'd like to take this opportunity to pontificate on what taekwondo means to me. I started it in January 2001 as a way to get in shape and lose some weight in anticipation of the two weddings I was going to be a bridesmaid in over the summer of 2001. When I got to grad school in September 2001, I just wanted to continue training and learning forms and learning kicks -- largely because I had dated my instructor in Baltimore and ... it was a way of holding on. I had no desire to fight. I hated fighting. Little did I know that my Master would wrangle me into the ring and not ony get me to fight, but to actually enjoy it. (Winning really helps.) Being a part of the team brought me all over the eastern seaboard to various tournaments - university sponsored and otherwise. To Detroit, to Puerto Rico. I even took my taekwondo to New Zealand. I've beaten people a lot less experienced. I've gotten my ass handed to me by national champion black belts. I've been physically brutalized by scrappy fighters who would win a bar brawl, hands down, but couldn't win in the ring. I've lost a toenail. I think my shins are permanently bruised and dented.

But next to education, I have never stuck with anything for this long. I'm the queen of reaching a plateau and quitting. When things get too hard, I stop. I usually lack the dedication to overcome the plateau. But that has not been the case with taekwondo. Even though I will never get my flying side kick down, and I have too much hip and not enough core strength to get a really good double or triple kick, I think I've crossed over many plateaus in my taekwondo career. It really fulfills me somehow. It's something I'm good at, and it's nice to discover one's natural talents. But it's also taught me a lot of discipline and respect for other people, not just my seniors, but people in general. It's given me confidence in scary situations -- be it in facing general stage fright fears or stepping into the ring against a six-foot tall muscle bound amazonian. And in striving to be better at taekwondo, I think it's also helped me not to give up on other things so quickly.

Part of me wishes that three years ago, I just dedicated myself to taekwondo to see how far I could go. I had really, really lofty dreams, once. I suppose it's never too late, but for now, I'm content treating taekwondo as a hobby and pursuing my legal career. I think.