Blog Vomit

Blog Vomit

I've been thinking a lot lately. Too much idle time. Too much life. I think I need school to start. Left alone with my thoughts and my wireless internet, you and my blog are subject to my mental excrement. Why do I even post, you may ask? Because I've been blogging for four years (yes, it's true) and it's become a habit. A release. Stop now if you just want to know me forever as the functioning alcoholic law student that I am.

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What is the meaning of life? Some say it is to love. I say it is to suffer. When things are going well, I think life is too easy. But when the shit hits the fan, and when you are slogging through it up to your neck, that's when you really live. We think, we feel, we rationalize. We're not really utilizing our abilities until we're challenged. Kind of like an athlete -- if you're a marathoner, running down the street isn't going to challenge you, isn't going to fulfill you in any way.

What's the point of life? To survive the struggles and come out the other side a better person, a more knowledgeable person, ready for the next struggle. Because between the good times, there are always struggles.

What is friendship? I say it is to support each other and buoy each other up in life, in the struggles. So I think we should relate to each other while trying to inflict as little pain and hurt as possible. It's so hard, though, because we'll always mess up, and we'll always disappoint each other and be disappointed in each other. (And then there are those people who are so messed up, they intentionally inflict pain. Yikes.) Thus, it's important to communicate, to ask for what you need, because we can't read each other's minds. (And thank God for that, cuz lemme tell ya, I got some crazies in my head...) I think, too, that it's important to forgive, knowing that we all fuck up. And as people come and go in life, I think the most we can hope for is that we've left a positive impact on each other, supported each other, forgiven each other. And, perhaps, loved each other to the best of our abilities.

What is love? To love is, in part, to let someone into your life so deeply that you're vulnerable to them. Who, with a turn of a phrase or a small mistruth or a giant wallop of a lie or a broken promise or a minor disappointment, can make you suffer. But because to live is to suffer, I think we must love. There's also the related logic that the more you risk, the more you reap. So to risk suffering and vulnerability brings greater love.

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Oh man, I'm done. I won't subject you to any more of this cheese.