I Am Such A Cliche

The boy is away on vacation. We've been txting, but then he said he would call. We've talked on the phone for a grand total of 10 minutes, the second conversation taking place this afternoon. I am less than impressed. We're both bad phone people, although the boy generally is not very talkative.

What concerns me is not the volume or quantity of conversation. It's that he doesn't ask me very much about me. Sure, I volunteer information, but he doesn't ASK me. This leads me to think that he's not very curious about me. This leads me to think that he likes me not for me, but for the hole in his life I fill, the role I play. This worries me, in turn, because he is really sweet and I feel myself liking him more and more, getting more and more used to him in my life. But if his feelings aren't real, then I am going to get hurt sometime down the road. And I don't like that thought, no matter how good for me the experience would be.

Instead of being a normal human being and waiting for him to get back from vacation so we can continue getting to know each other, continue assessing just what I can or cannot put up with, continue DATING like adults, I kind of freak out in the middle of studying and start txting him. And in these txts, I am subtly pushing him away. And for a moment, I felt like shit. Because I could see myself saying things that could easily break something that's too hard to fix from 1000 miles away. Thankfully, my BFF called me and derailed my suicide mission.

I guess I'm really excited to see how this unfolds. I am a little annoyed that it's kind of on pause as he travels. But I'm so overwhelmed in the rest of my life that this is probably for the best.

Oh, and one final note...I think I've found someone who is even more insecure about being cheated on than I am. It's a nice change of pace, because I trust him like 98%. (I'm reserving that 2% for general male assholeyness. Only Jesus himself could get that last 2%.)