12 Stages

12 Stages
Whatever stage of recovery is drinking and partying, I think I've passed it. Is the next stage journaling and having introverted alone time? I hope so.

Last night, I met up with some new friends and some old friends and after several drinks, ended up at a new (to me) gay club. Someone told me that there was a coat check in the corner but instead of a coat checker, there was this British dude with a wedding band. He was hanging out at this bar with a 60 (?) year old woman who he sort of lived with, I think as a boarder, but it wasn't clear. This guy had recently divorced his wife and when I asked him what he was doing at the gay club, he said he was bisexual. He was cute, but...

Thank God my friend was there because I could have ended up kissing two gay men last night.

ACK!

A memory from early on . . . we were lying in bed, and he put his hand on my stomach and looked me in the eyes and said, "Mine." I looked him in the eyes back and said nothing. I had once said that to someone, where I put his hand on me and said, "I'm yours." That relationship ended poorly and the whole concept of ownership is kind of sick. But I don't think the Boy was saying he owned me, per se, so I kind of appreciated his sentiment at the time, what he was trying to say. And although I wasn't ready to say that I was his in any way, it was nice to know that he wanted me, and it felt safe to try and come out of my shell.

I keep losing my anger and indignation in memories.