Blogger's Dilemma
Blogging is weird. I often catch myself walking around town, to and fro, observing and thinking, "Oh, this would be great to blog about." And then I see friends who read my blog and I feel weird. Like I've started to live through this damn thing and offline interactions are almost surreal.

Knowing that people read this thing, I've started to temper what I write about and how I write. First, I've started to use appropriate punctuation and capitalization. That might be for the better. More significantly, I think I've started to temper what I write. I post news stories instead of deep dark secrets and thoughts. I've even contemplated posting this great banana bread recipe I have, but then that will really be contrary to the original spirit of this thing. Then again, the original spirit of this thing was to talk about traveling and other cultures and people I meet in those other places and cultures. Being in law school has seriously limited those experiences (although a friend and I are talking about going to Greece for spring break!)

I'm not sure what to do. I've thought about starting another blog, but then that would make it five (seriously!) and it really doesn't help because part of what's tempering what I say is the fear of fucking up my legal career like I fucked up my adventure tourism career. Oh I don't know. Maybe I just have nothing interesting to say simply because it's STILL finals time.

But here's a thought ... I'm suffering through that time of the month. No, not THAT time of the month. See, before THAT time of the month, I have another time of the month. During this other time, my appetite increases exponentially. Add that to bloating, and I go through this monthly down time when my self-esteem suffers and every thought is about how fat I feel. I was able to temper this feeling most of the semester by staying really active. And for a lot of the semester I really wasn't eating, so when my appetite did increase, it only meant I was eating a normal, healthy amount of food.

However, it's finals. And I've done a lot of sitting on my ass, not leaving my apartment for days at a time. This is like a three-fold attack on my self-esteem and I am suffering. I can't wait for THAT time of the month to come so I can resume being normal self. I know I've put on a little weight towards the end of the semester -- gym boy is just not that interesting anymore and free time to work out and friends with free time to go rock climbing with are all seriously lacking -- but hopefully the banishment of two of my three fat-feeling-related problems will make me a happier person. At least for three weeks.

Sigh.