Skipping Over that Part

I've been meaning to blog about my vacation, but I haven't been able to write anything coherent that does the trip justice.

But I am able to sit here and pour out my angst. Because you see, tonight, I told my mom that I had a boyfriend. And I know that when my dad got home 20 minutes later, she told him. I'd been avoiding talking to them for over a week because I knew that the next conversation we were going to have, I was going to tell them about the Boy. Why? Because my cousin is getting married in August in Montana and I want daddy-o to buy him a ticket so that he has to endure what I endured last week. Or a more twisted, dysfunctional version of last week. Perhaps. But again, that's for another time.

And now I'm sitting here all worked up. Why? I don't know. There was something about my mom's voice, the happiness, that I could hear her already naming my grandkids and thinking about what they look like and the toys she would buy them, etc etc. In fact, she even said that she might go to this wedding, despite the fact that she hates that whole side of the family. JUST TO MEET THE BOY. On the one hand I'm glad that I can bring my family together, on the other, I want to crawl under a rock (with the boy) and die. Or live together in ignorant, rock-covered bliss.

I think there's also this sense that I'm afraid of disappointing them. They get their hopes up, imagine their grandkids, and then one day, I'll have to tell them that it's over. This, of course, is completely me projecting my fears onto them, but reflecting off of me. Or something. Because I don't think they will worry about this. But I do. Not just because I don't want to disappoint them, but because I think a part of me is afraid that this relationship will end. And while there are some things that need improving, I love him and ugh the thought of even breaking up with him freaks me out. Which begs the question, why am I even thinking about that?

Bleh.

In other news, working until 7 has become the norm. In fact, leaving at 7 seems early.