I've been meaning to blog about my vacation, but I haven't been able to write anything coherent that does the trip justice.
But I am able to sit here and pour out my angst. Because you see, tonight, I told my mom that I had a boyfriend. And I know that when my dad got home 20 minutes later, she told him. I'd been avoiding talking to them for over a week because I knew that the next conversation we were going to have, I was going to tell them about the Boy. Why? Because my cousin is getting married in August in Montana and I want daddy-o to buy him a ticket so that he has to endure what I endured last week. Or a more twisted, dysfunctional version of last week. Perhaps. But again, that's for another time.
And now I'm sitting here all worked up. Why? I don't know. There was something about my mom's voice, the happiness, that I could hear her already naming my grandkids and thinking about what they look like and the toys she would buy them, etc etc. In fact, she even said that she might go to this wedding, despite the fact that she hates that whole side of the family. JUST TO MEET THE BOY. On the one hand I'm glad that I can bring my family together, on the other, I want to crawl under a rock (with the boy) and die. Or live together in ignorant, rock-covered bliss.
I think there's also this sense that I'm afraid of disappointing them. They get their hopes up, imagine their grandkids, and then one day, I'll have to tell them that it's over. This, of course, is completely me projecting my fears onto them, but reflecting off of me. Or something. Because I don't think they will worry about this. But I do. Not just because I don't want to disappoint them, but because I think a part of me is afraid that this relationship will end. And while there are some things that need improving, I love him and ugh the thought of even breaking up with him freaks me out. Which begs the question, why am I even thinking about that?
Bleh.
In other news, working until 7 has become the norm. In fact, leaving at 7 seems early.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Inanity part the ??
Last night at work, I was put in charge of putting some binders in a box and FedExing it all to counsel in some other state. The binders were being put together by the copy center, and the attorney who assigned me this task - b/c he had to go to the baseball game - said, these binders don't fit in a standard fedex box. Ask your secretary to get you a box. I had no idea where they were, so I decided to follow his instructions.
It was 4:30 at this point, and I saw my secretary putting on her jacket and getting ready to leave, as she usually does around this time. So I called the floor coordinator secretary who helps solve these types of overflow situations. She was out that day, I forgot, but after I explained to the floater secretary filling in for her exactly what I needed, she said, call Bob, because Bob was filling in for the floor coordinator. After explaining to Bob what I needed, he said, call the night secretary, Sue, at 5pm. At 5pm, I called the night secretary, and after explaining to HER what I needed, she said, call the copy center; they'll bring you one.
And they did. Quite quickly and efficiently.
Sometimes, I am surprised at how hard it is to get things done at work. You'd think we get all this money to get all sorts of stuff done, but really, we're completely inefficient and retarded.
Work has been SOOOO busy. Thankfully, I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow. Florida, then the Outer Banks.
Oh, and the Boy and I...the L word has officially been used. The first time was a few weeks ago. We're definitely much more comfortable with it now. We are so retarded, too. But at least no one pays us to live.
It was 4:30 at this point, and I saw my secretary putting on her jacket and getting ready to leave, as she usually does around this time. So I called the floor coordinator secretary who helps solve these types of overflow situations. She was out that day, I forgot, but after I explained to the floater secretary filling in for her exactly what I needed, she said, call Bob, because Bob was filling in for the floor coordinator. After explaining to Bob what I needed, he said, call the night secretary, Sue, at 5pm. At 5pm, I called the night secretary, and after explaining to HER what I needed, she said, call the copy center; they'll bring you one.
And they did. Quite quickly and efficiently.
Sometimes, I am surprised at how hard it is to get things done at work. You'd think we get all this money to get all sorts of stuff done, but really, we're completely inefficient and retarded.
Work has been SOOOO busy. Thankfully, I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow. Florida, then the Outer Banks.
Oh, and the Boy and I...the L word has officially been used. The first time was a few weeks ago. We're definitely much more comfortable with it now. We are so retarded, too. But at least no one pays us to live.
Monday, June 09, 2008
My Less than Appealing Side
Some people might call me one of those people. You know, one of those greenies who thinks she's better than everyone else b/c she takes public transportation, doesn't own a car, recycles every piece of trash possible, etc. etc. But I have discovered that there are corners I'm willing to cut and not feel too badly about.
First, when the boy drives me to work. Sure, there's a bus that goes from across the street from his house to downtown, where I can take another bus or train (or two) to my office. But I do not hesitate to let him drive me to work. First of all, it cuts like an hour off my trip. Second of all, he's not a morning person. But these are just excuses.
The second area of my life where I do not think twice about the size of my carbon footprint is air conditioning. When it is 96 degrees, as it was today, I do not hesitate to run my air conditioner all night. It's awful. I'm an awful person. I will stop looking down on others for not recycling.
Another area of my sinfulness is my materialism. In the last several years, I have developed a very strong sense of materialism. Sure, it's always been there through my youth and even in my least material days (college? New Zealand?). But lately, especially as I've been earning (relatively) serious amounts of disposable income, it's gotten worse. Part of this materialism has been an appreciation for fine jewelry. I never really cared. I never really wanted. But now, I care and I want. A few years ago, my mom gave me this pearl earring / necklace / ring set. It was tacky as hell, except the necklace. But somehow, in the last year or so, the earrings have become more tasteful-looking to me. Unfortunately, somehow, I've lost one of the earrings. I don't know how. And it's eating me up. I need to remember, though, that it's just an earring. It won't last. And I view it more as a lesson of how not to be materialistic and to put value and worth in material objects. They all disappear one way or another. But while I can somehow take comfort in the lesson here, there is one thing I know - I will never tell my mom that I lost the earring.
First, when the boy drives me to work. Sure, there's a bus that goes from across the street from his house to downtown, where I can take another bus or train (or two) to my office. But I do not hesitate to let him drive me to work. First of all, it cuts like an hour off my trip. Second of all, he's not a morning person. But these are just excuses.
The second area of my life where I do not think twice about the size of my carbon footprint is air conditioning. When it is 96 degrees, as it was today, I do not hesitate to run my air conditioner all night. It's awful. I'm an awful person. I will stop looking down on others for not recycling.
Another area of my sinfulness is my materialism. In the last several years, I have developed a very strong sense of materialism. Sure, it's always been there through my youth and even in my least material days (college? New Zealand?). But lately, especially as I've been earning (relatively) serious amounts of disposable income, it's gotten worse. Part of this materialism has been an appreciation for fine jewelry. I never really cared. I never really wanted. But now, I care and I want. A few years ago, my mom gave me this pearl earring / necklace / ring set. It was tacky as hell, except the necklace. But somehow, in the last year or so, the earrings have become more tasteful-looking to me. Unfortunately, somehow, I've lost one of the earrings. I don't know how. And it's eating me up. I need to remember, though, that it's just an earring. It won't last. And I view it more as a lesson of how not to be materialistic and to put value and worth in material objects. They all disappear one way or another. But while I can somehow take comfort in the lesson here, there is one thing I know - I will never tell my mom that I lost the earring.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
A Free Night ?
I had big plans for tonight. Skip the gym to run some errands, make some phone calls, write a long blog. But I forgot what I wanted to write about.
But I did get to make a phone call or two. One to my friend E in LA. Turns out, she's not deporting herself! She was going to take her green-card bearing Mexican boyfriend, his 14-year-old daughter, and jet off to her Singaporean homeland, his Mexican homeland, and China, to decide where they were going to settle their little international non-traditional family. She had set a date of June 30, but sometime between my last visit to LA and today, she decided not to do that. THANK GOD. Because of her indeterminate status, she would not be able to return for 10 years. Ack.
Now, instead of a whirlwind weekend to LA at the end of the month (red-eye out, red-eye back) the boy and I can plan a nice leisurely visit to LA. The boy! Yes! After weeks of constant fighting (mostly started by me) and one very long serious conversation (in which I told him that I talk to him and turn to him more than the BFF (gasp!)), I finally started to settle into our relationship. The thought of making long-distance plans no longer freaked me out. Looking into his eyes, I would feel that flutter in my stomach instead of a knot. And then last weekend, I dropped the L word. I think he was in L-territory long before I was, but he waited for me to say it. I guess. I don't know. It's not that big of a deal. I have loved him for a long time, but only recently have I fallen in love with him.
Another advantage of not having to jet off all whirlwind like to LA at the end of the month is that I'll finally get to sit on my ass in my apartment and maybe bake some bread and paint my bathroom. The boy and I have been traveling A LOT. Bar Harbor, Maine, last weekend, NJ, NH for the brother's college graduation. And then for Memorial Day weekend, the BFF and his BF came here and stayed with me. We went to Ptown for the day. It was lovely. Coming up, we have a weekend in Ptown for a friend's birthday, and then I jet off to FLA with school friends and then to NC with his paternal extended family. August I've got weddings and ... whew. I'm getting tired just thinking about it.
Oh, NC. Yeah, the diet is not going so well. On the plus side, I think I am getting in better shape and I'm not putting on weight at a precipitous rate, but I don't think I'm getting into bikini territory. And I'm ok with that. As part of my plan, i was going to run a 5K this past weekend. But then I got slammed with work and I pulled my back, and it all went to pot. My back? Yeah. I did it first a long time ago and every now and again, I do it again. Usually it's not so bad, but this time, I did it at the gym and my trainer made me stretch. Then I slept in the boy's bed which is very floppy. And for days, I was not able to stand up straight and waddled through the hallways at work like a pregnant penguin. It was not pretty. I finally went to the doctor - the first time ever for this condition - and she gave me muscle relaxants. SWEET JESUS they are amazing. I don't think they actually make my muscles relaxed. I think they just put me to sleep so I don't care.
Work. Oh work. I was told I'm not in happy territory in terms of my billable hours. I don't really care. I mean, I kind of do, because when they put a goal in front of me, I like to strive for it. But I don't care b/c, while I like the work I'm doing, generally, it's not the type of work I went to law school to do. So I decided that after my year is up, I'm going to look for a new job. Not enough to quit my job before I find one, but enough to start looking.
And that's enough for now. I passed interesting several paragraphs ago.
But I did get to make a phone call or two. One to my friend E in LA. Turns out, she's not deporting herself! She was going to take her green-card bearing Mexican boyfriend, his 14-year-old daughter, and jet off to her Singaporean homeland, his Mexican homeland, and China, to decide where they were going to settle their little international non-traditional family. She had set a date of June 30, but sometime between my last visit to LA and today, she decided not to do that. THANK GOD. Because of her indeterminate status, she would not be able to return for 10 years. Ack.
Now, instead of a whirlwind weekend to LA at the end of the month (red-eye out, red-eye back) the boy and I can plan a nice leisurely visit to LA. The boy! Yes! After weeks of constant fighting (mostly started by me) and one very long serious conversation (in which I told him that I talk to him and turn to him more than the BFF (gasp!)), I finally started to settle into our relationship. The thought of making long-distance plans no longer freaked me out. Looking into his eyes, I would feel that flutter in my stomach instead of a knot. And then last weekend, I dropped the L word. I think he was in L-territory long before I was, but he waited for me to say it. I guess. I don't know. It's not that big of a deal. I have loved him for a long time, but only recently have I fallen in love with him.
Another advantage of not having to jet off all whirlwind like to LA at the end of the month is that I'll finally get to sit on my ass in my apartment and maybe bake some bread and paint my bathroom. The boy and I have been traveling A LOT. Bar Harbor, Maine, last weekend, NJ, NH for the brother's college graduation. And then for Memorial Day weekend, the BFF and his BF came here and stayed with me. We went to Ptown for the day. It was lovely. Coming up, we have a weekend in Ptown for a friend's birthday, and then I jet off to FLA with school friends and then to NC with his paternal extended family. August I've got weddings and ... whew. I'm getting tired just thinking about it.
Oh, NC. Yeah, the diet is not going so well. On the plus side, I think I am getting in better shape and I'm not putting on weight at a precipitous rate, but I don't think I'm getting into bikini territory. And I'm ok with that. As part of my plan, i was going to run a 5K this past weekend. But then I got slammed with work and I pulled my back, and it all went to pot. My back? Yeah. I did it first a long time ago and every now and again, I do it again. Usually it's not so bad, but this time, I did it at the gym and my trainer made me stretch. Then I slept in the boy's bed which is very floppy. And for days, I was not able to stand up straight and waddled through the hallways at work like a pregnant penguin. It was not pretty. I finally went to the doctor - the first time ever for this condition - and she gave me muscle relaxants. SWEET JESUS they are amazing. I don't think they actually make my muscles relaxed. I think they just put me to sleep so I don't care.
Work. Oh work. I was told I'm not in happy territory in terms of my billable hours. I don't really care. I mean, I kind of do, because when they put a goal in front of me, I like to strive for it. But I don't care b/c, while I like the work I'm doing, generally, it's not the type of work I went to law school to do. So I decided that after my year is up, I'm going to look for a new job. Not enough to quit my job before I find one, but enough to start looking.
And that's enough for now. I passed interesting several paragraphs ago.
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