Epiphany

Sitting here, piddling on the internet before bed. Stalking people on MySpace, etc. And the room starts to spin as this thought formulates in my head. No, really, room is spinning. Now.

See, I've been having issues with the Boy and his WoW. I want to support what he thinks he needs to do to relax. I want to support him vegging out, sitting around, doing nothing. But if it were just that, I'd probably be ok with it, except that he needs to get off his ass and exercise more. But no, he tells me he plays WoW with his "buddies". He uses it to keep in touch, as a substitute for "hanging out" since they're all over the world.

And I realize now that this bothers me because I don't want to play WoW and I don't think he wants me to play WoW, but if these "buddies" of his lived in New England and he hung out with them on a regular basis and NEVER invited me, I'd have serious problems. And this is basically what it's like. He's met most of my friends. I've invited him into almost every aspect of my life. (He hasn't attended a work thing yet, nor have I told my parents that I'm even dating him, but that's a complex blog for another day.)

This is why I kind of freak out and don't feel comfortable with this WoW thing. I also know for a fact that he doesn't play with just "buddies" but several women as well. And he's told me that he's not on WoW to be picked up or to pick up women, though this has happened to his friends. (And if you Google it, a lot of people seem to meet and date through this online RPGs.) And there are women (or a woman?) he has friendships with - close friendships - of which I can't be a part of without playing a game I have no interest in playing or forcing myself into some email / MySpace message chain or, geez louise, hacking into his MySpace account without him knowing.

(YES I KNOW I AM NOT TRUSTING, but this blog is not the place to be judged as it is where I spout my deepest darkest secrets, sometimes, and c'mon, look at my track record.)

Several weeks ago, in a drunken fit, I posted a comment on his MSpace page. I did it becuase he hadn't changed his - bear with me I know I'm pathetic - relationship status to "In a Relationship". This was significant b/c one or two weeks after we got back together, he had changed it on FBook without any prompt or mention of it from me. So I posted. And he changed his status. And then some girl defriended him. And he refriended her. Yes, it's definitely true that I have waaaaay too much time to kill on this damn site and on the internet in general. And in a way, I look for my own reasons not to trust. But I just ... feel so uneasy not knowing about ANY of these people that he spends so much time with. And is willing to forego seeing me for.

Blaaaaargh.

I guess we have something to talk about during our 6 hour car-ride back on Monday.