Nothing

Nothing
I am sort of melancholy. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's my family -- they just do that to me. Maybe it's seeing a lot of old friends and missing what I used to have, and thinking that what I have now isn't so good, or as good as it could be or has been. Maybe it's just general insecurity. Maybe it's having nothing to do, nothing to structure my day around, so I sleep and knit and watch dvds with no particular plan. Maybe it's the fact that it's 1:45pm and it's dark like 8pm, which means rain. Boo, rain.

Maybe it's that in a lot of my interactions with people lately, I sit back and am very quiet. Why? Well, I just had lunch with my parents and my cousin and they were going on and on in Chinese about things that I couldn't really contribute to. Even if I did have something to contribute, I'm just used to being quiet around my relatives. It's like a remnant of my childhood, when I was supposed to be seen not heard at family / business functions. Yesterday, I hung out with other old friends, but they're so close and they just go on and on and I can't really contribute b/c they talk about people I don't know. I was also super tired. And even last Thursday, as discussed in the previous post, I didn't have much to say. Hanging out with third and fourth degree black belts made me a little nervous, and they were talking about stuff I knew nothing about. And I was super tired b/c that was the day of my brother's graduation and I had been up since 6:30 am.

I forgot to mention my brother's graduation. That was on Thursday. It sucked. Royally sucked. It was at a big arena where the local NBA and NHL teams play. It was nice not to have to push and shove for seats, but did they really need to read the names of every Ph.D. and masters AND bachelor's graduate? And the Ph.D. ceremony was interminable -- not too many of them, but read the titles of their dissertations and the names of their advisers and hooded them. Ugh. And there were horrible speakers. We totally bailed after my brother walked. I bet by the time they read the last student's name, the place was nearly empty.

Then we got stuffed at Cheesecake Factory. Yumm.

Maybe it's just the rain after all.